Want to sneak into a big, fancy Cannes part? Here's what you're going to need: a tuxedo, some security gadgets, and a super cool attitude. A fluency in French so you can talk shit about all the dumb Americans doesn't hurt, either.

The downside? This guy has to spend the rest of the night hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.