Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became a press in a town called Bel-Air

In West Philadelphia, born and raised
In a cabinet is where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all making some coffee after school
When a couple of guys, they were up to no good
Told the people who owned me they would be healthier if they switched from coffee to tea, so I was sold on eBay and shipped across the country and now I live with some rich people who fancy themselves artisans, so they take me out on weekends when they have friends over for brunch, but everyone always puts so much cream and sugar in their coffee that you can't even really taste anything anyway, so what is even the point of working hard?

Yes, indeed, there is a tumblr called "French Press of Bel-Air," and it is literally just photos of a coffee maker dressed up like Will Smith and positioned in various scenic spots inside Los Angeles. Which is obviously wonderful. Ten bucks to whichever one of you starts a blog about a mug dressed like Carlton.

Liana-maeby-med
Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.