The 10 Best Parts of Kim Kardashian's Frontal Nude Shot
Paper luckily has a version of the picture that isn't so NSFW, and it's posted below. (The original NSFW version is here.) Let's name all the reasons it is great.
1. That hair. Just... What is it? Did you know Kim Kardashian lived in feudal Japan, because I didn't. It is something.
2. I like the hint of butt. Just a pinch. Hiding out. A soupcon of ass.
3. You know Kanye West saw this picture and immediately screamed "ART" to no one in particular.
4. Yes, I will call it "bad-ass" that Kim Kardashian -- who is well aware she became popular thanks to a sex tape -- posed for photographs wearing nothing but a million pearl necklaces.
5. That facial expression! It says, "I'm the happiest, richest internet troll on Earth. Come for me! I blocked you."
6. That shimmery fabric that's sort of hanging at her legs. It looks like Liza Minnelli melted.
7. Every major color in this photograph is toffee. I want a Heath bar now.
8. Her tongue placement is important. It's just silly enough -- halfway between "I'm yawning" and "I'm a basset hound."
9. Her eyebrows and upper lip have the exact same shape and arc. This is a geometrically perfect person. I wish she were holding up a protractor to prove it.
10. Altogether it's a picture of Kim Kardashian looking you in the eye and knowing, "Like me or not, whatever. I'll be just as famous in ten years. And you know it." I have a feeling she's right.