In an appearance that has already sent shockwaves of horror and denial through the corporate offices at Fox News, Santa Claus stopped by "SNL's" Weekend Update desk last night to reveal that he is (in stark contrast to host Megyn Kelly's comfortably Aryan vision of jolly old St. Nick) "black as hell" - and damn proud of it too. In a related bombshell that will likely send social conservatives all around America spiraling into wild gesticulations of moral outrage and condemnation, Father Christmas revealed that one of his magical reindeer is actually a gay. Need a hint? He had his very own movie, and his name is not Rudolph.

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A former contributor to sites including MTV's The Backlot and Bloody-Disgusting, Chris Eggertsen worked in film development before indulging his love of pop culture writing full time. He specializes in horror, the intersection of social issues and entertainment and Howard Stern. He's on Twitter @HitFixChris.