So, What Do Bono and Madonna Talk About?
Madonna: Paul! Little Irish Paul?
Paul: Madonna! Sometimes Mexican Madonna. A pleasure to see you.
Madonna: It's been so long! How's life?
Bono: Life? Great... great...
Bono: ...Unless you live in Africa.
Madonna: Indeed, Paul. Indeed.
Bono: [Let's out a pained howl.]
Madonna: Ever been to Malawi? It's a poor African country I invented. Stella McCartney made them a flag out of a mitten and skort. They use complimentary copies of 'MDNA' for currency.
Bono: Yes. I just gave a TED talk about how that's destroying their society and livelihood.
Madonna: Touche. Gwyneth and I often give TED talks to the children. She's quite devilish, Paul. And a songbird in her own right. She was on that show 'Glee.' No accent on either 'e'. Curious little word. You might not watch it because it's American and they're not really into emphysemic elderly timberwolves.
Bono: "'Glee.' Not familiar. Hold on, let me text my pop culture contact and see if he's heard of it. [Texts quickly.] Nope. Desmond Tutu is drawing a blank."
Madonna: "Did you know that Wole Soyinka does not like being seduced? Learned that the hard way at Live Aid."
Bono: Believe it or not, not all Nobel nominees know each other, Madonna.
Madonna: Well, the important thing is I've introduced them all to Lourdes. She's shipping off a Day-glo headband to Toni Morrison at this very moment. An entrepreneur. Just like Mom, except mortal.
Bono: We both have four kids. Isn't that something?
Madonna: Yes, I've seen your children! Darling little colleens. Even the boys. A bit monochromatic for my taste, but I'm sure their pheasant-hunting skills are more than commensurate.
Bono: I need to leave.
Madonna: Me too. Should I sprint up that wall? I've got to use these parkour lessons sometime.
Bono: To be honest, I can't see a thing through these inch-thick Oakleys. From across the room I thought you were a gargoyle rendering of Linda Hamilton.
Madonna: How funny, I thought you were Ben Kingsley dressed up as Danny Zuko in a senior center production of 'Grease.' And I have 20/20 vision! Bizarre. I still think that, actually. Did you hear Lourdes played Rizzo a few months ago at her high school? Darling performance. Stockard Channing tried to shoot me once.
Bono: See you at the Grammys, Madonna. I'll be the one with 22 trophies.
Madonna: Farewell, Paul. I'll be the one dating a 22-year-old trophy.