In an apparent attempt to cross "Become a low-rent Japanese action star" off his greasy middle-aged rock star bucket list, craggy-faced Van Halen frontman and recent Tokyo transplant David Lee Roth has posted a new short film to his official YouTube account that's like an unholy mash-up between "Kill Bill" and a late-era Steven Seagal revenge thriller, sans irony and Steven Seagal but with way more juice-guzzling and David Lee Roth saying stuff like "In the name of the Moon, I shall right wrongs and defeat all evil." Now that sounds like a tall order David, but okay.

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A former contributor to sites including MTV's The Backlot and Bloody-Disgusting, Chris Eggertsen worked in film development before indulging his love of pop culture writing full time. He specializes in horror, the intersection of social issues and entertainment and Howard Stern. He's on Twitter @HitFixChris.