Before people riot with cries of "WHO CARES?" and "HAS-BEEN" and "JUICEHEAD BRIDE WITH A SNICKERS-COLORED TAN," let me remind you about some hard Snooki facts: The first two seasons of "Jersey Shore" rank among the best in reality TV history. Totally watchable and totally unforgettable. There is not a single "Real Housewives" season or franchise that compares to the first season of "Jersey Shore," yet everyone still talks about the housewives in a frantic state of awe. As far as I'm concerned: Snooki for life. Also: Snooki has never professed to be anything more than a lucky TV star with a couple of ghostwritten books under her belt. She is not a countess. She is not trying to impress. She is just a tan, horny coquette. God bless!

Now, watch this entrancing video where Snooki learns the gender of her new baby. You'll note that she cannot get a single reaction out of her son Lorenzo even after tempting him with colorful playthings. You'll also note that Snooki's terror is real. Interpret her layers of reactions as the balloons fly.