Samuel L. Jackson's charity competition asking Reddit users to submit 300-word monologues for the actor to read has come to an end, and it looks like Sam will not be treating us to that mono about vaginas and cream cheese written by Eugene Mirman. Instead, we get this tale of vigilantism, which is, in fact, a fan-submitted monologue that starts out by having Sam Jack declare he will not be reading a fan-submitted monologue. Tricky! I suspect the author might be M. Night Shyamalan.

The contest raised more than $135,000 for the Alzheimer's Association, plus it gave us the opportunity to see Sam Jackson in a tank top. So altogether, it was an enormous success.