"Here, kitty, kitty. You want me to scratch your belly? Yeah? You want me to scratch your belly all over? Yeah? You want to chew on this pacifier? You want to chase a glow stick around the room?

"Wait, hold up, kitty. No, you canNOT smoke a clove cigarette."

(via Jezebel)

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Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.