Photos: Pro baseball players pose for Playgirl in the 1980s, 2013 wins
Fact: In the early-to-mid-1980s, a number of overly-confident pro baseball players stripped down to their skivvies (and beyond) for Playgirl magazine, to the delight of millions of gay men and about nine frustrated housewives all over America.
And yet the real story isn't the photos themselves - as uncovered today by one good Samaritan over at BaseballProspectus.com - but rather the site's publication of the actual "scouting reports" used to determine each of the players' suitability as sweaty jack-off material. Perhaps due to the magazine's feminist roots (turn those tables ladies!), the athletes were even rated on a scale of 1-8 in a number of deliciously-demeaning categories including "Abs," "Buttocks," "Thigh Meat" and, in at least one candidate's case, "Hustle 'n' Grit." Below, a few of the more entertaining highlights.
Phil "Elizabeth Taylor of Facial Hair" Garner (July 1984)
"Hairy, well-covered extremities, but hairless, concave chest. Wiry body is sometimes described as 'corpse-like.' Picks nose while driving."
Steve "Dream Machine" Stone (August 1985)
"Hair gets a little long in back. Short, almost comical torso. Part owner of 'Lettuce Entertain You' restaurant group. Come on with that name, I mean, come on."
Steve "Tonka Truck" Yeager (October 1982)
"The one, true 'Yeager' bomb. With those muscular hips and thighs, he could pick up and set down Playgirl readers all day and show only the slightest bead of sweat. ...Make sure you get a pic of him during his aerobics class - it's where he truly shines."
Dan "Pointy Nipples" Ford (July 1981)
"Ford's body is a pinnacle of manhood. Excellent dancer and party animal (hence the nickname 'Disco'). Looks equally good in uniform, suit, or, preferably with just a towel."
George "Kissable Lips" Brett (July 1984)
Rickey "Quick Twitch" Henderson (July 1984)
"Henderson's body is just quick twitch muscles stacked on top of quick twitch muscles. He keeps his chest shaved and smooth, much like an Olympic swimmer, so that he remains aerodynamic."
Jerry "Undersized" Remy (July 1984)
"Has a strong mustache and plenty of chest hair which make this tiny warrior seem much more imposing. Like when a blowfish puffs itself up."
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Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
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Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by. It has deep soul, a wicked sense of humor, and Samuel L. Jackson, Robert De Niro, Pam Grier, and Robert Forster.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
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Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
2013 | Thriller | RSummary: Based on the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) a Miami bodybuilder who wants to live the American dream. He would like to have the money that other people have. So he enlists the help of fellow bodybuilder Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and ex-convict, Christian bodybuilder Paul Doyle (D...Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
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2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
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