Michelle Williams vs. Michelle Williams: July 1-7, 2013
By some strange twist of fate in the year 1980, two bouncing baby girls named Michelle Williams were born, both of whom would go on to achieve fame and fortune - one as a universally-adored Oscar-nominated actress, the other as the third banana in an R&B girl group called Destiny's Child.
To make sense of this madness, we here at RIOT have developed an ongoing feature entitled "Michelle Williams vs. Michelle Williams," which will highlight the lives and careers of both Michelle Williamses week-by-week and then rank their accomplishments on a scale we've imaginatively dubbed the "Michelle Williams Hotness-o-Meter."
On tap this week: Michelle Williams performs at the Essence Music Festival, unveils a new lyric video, and tries to derail Katie Holmes' new relationship. So which Michelle Williams did what? And which of them made the bigger impression? Enrich your life with our full breakdown below.
Score this week: 50/100
The Red-headed Destiny's Stepchild falls a bit from last week's solid showing, mostly owing to the fact that no embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions occurred to her on any red carpets - a loss for both her Hotness-o-Meter ranking and also for us, the world. While she was alleged to have given a "moving performance" at the Essence 2013 Music Festival, sadly the event did not feature either Beyonce or Kelly Rowland and was therefore pretty much a wash. Speaking of Beyonce and Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams "can't wait" for them to hear her new album, which is primed to move hundreds of copies later this year. Luckily, both of them can now watch the official lyric video for Michelle Wiliams' new single "If We Had Your Eyes," which is about seeing through God's eyes and also has zero to do with a Destiny's Child reunion.
Score this week: 80/100
Michelle Williams surpasses Michelle Williams in a big way this week, and all for one delicious reason: she is trying to destroy Katie Holmes' new relationship. According to the always-reliable Star Magazine, Michelle Williams is "determined to ruin" Katie's blossoming romance with her "Mania Days" co-star Luke Kirby, a Canadian actor who also starred with Michelle in some independent movie about waltzing that we've never heard of. Does the fact that the article is sourced extremely poorly in any way affect our steadfast contention that it is 100% accurate? Oh, please. "Dawson's Creek" feuds never die.
2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
2013 | Drama | RSummary: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill have boundless energy in the story of a real-life commodities crook who earned millions through scummy small-time stock trades.Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
2007 | Comedy | PGSummary: Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor (McGinley) with a bizarre approach to business.Director: Steve Carr
Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
Cast: Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Lanter
1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen
Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
2013 | Thriller | RSummary: Based on the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) a Miami bodybuilder who wants to live the American dream. He would like to have the money that other people have. So he enlists the help of fellow bodybuilder Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and ex-convict, Christian bodybuilder Paul Doyle (D...Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
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