It's Marlon Brando's 90th birthday. Or it would be his 90th birthday if he were alive. You understand.

Marlon Brando was an eccentric man, but let's acknowledge right now that his performance in "A Streetcar Named Desire" remains shocking and resonant over 60 years later. Love him in "The Godfather," "On the Waterfront," "Viva Zapata," and -- hell -- "Reflections in a Golden Eye" too. We love Marlon Brando.

Now that formalities are out of the way, let's get to the fun: Marlon Brando hated Burt Reynolds. A lot. It is a joy to hear him complain about the "Smokey and the Bandit" star, and it is also so, so telling. Oh, you hate Burt Reynolds' "narcissism," Marlon? I can't think of a single person who'd say the same thing about you. Not a one. Oh, wait. A number of people

Just enjoy this damn audio of Brando ranting about Reynolds on the set of "Apocalypse Now." Gold. Happy birthday to the gifted, unsurpassed, and wacky M.B.