Celebrity weddings are supposed to offend the senses with obnoxious nerve and disgusting smiles. Let's pick the definitive celebrity photo of all time, one that's hilarious, decadent, and secretly a little bit awesome.
God, the sexual heat jumping off these two. Who can take it? Renee is wincing wildly and Kenny is dressed like a yoga-practicing Puritan. A fine choice.
Or is the best wedding photo this classic snapshot of...
This is awesomely ridiculous while at the same time emitting no sensuality. And I have the unnerving feeling that Kevin is more aware of what's going on than Britney. Shivers.
Here's a dark horse:
3. Kid Rock and Pam Anderson.
They got married on a yacht. A few great things here: 1) Kid Rock's not-so-yachty body. 2) Kid Rock is clearly buckling under the pressure of carrying Pam. 3) Kid Rock is pretending to smoke like a Rat Packer while attempting an athletic feat that requires at least four Kid Rocks. 4) Pam looks ridiculous but great.
Oh, wait, what do we have here.
4. Victoria Beckham ditches David for whatever this is.
Vicky looks like the most suspicious character in a wedding-themed murder mystery. What is she holding. Is David in there? Is little David in there? Why is she terrified? What is with the harried substitute teacher bangs from 1993? Whatever the reason: Thank you, Victoria.
But what of that dapper duo...
5. Mick and Bianca Jagger
Mick's bemused expression and Bianca's wacky stare do give me life. Mick is like: "Are you stoked? Tell me you're stoked. Tell your fancy man in the ladies' suit that you're stoked." And she's like, "ERRRR, KINDA."
Now we are getting to some real contenders. Look, it's those elusive chanteuses.
6. Mariah Carey and Mr. Mariah Carey
Mariah and Mr. Mariah decided to go classic in a shock-white Bee Gee uniform and 100,000 doilies. Their children are like, "This is par for the course, everyone."
Here's my official runner-up: this stunning aerial shot of the wedding between...
Madonna and Sean Penn were a little annoyed by the helicopters at their 1985 nuptials, so Sean wrote a message for the paps in the sand. The marriage itself was rocky and occasionally horrifying, but at least Sean put his rage to cheeky use here.
But the winner -- for all time -- of wackiest wedding photo goes to:
8. Liza Minnelli, David Gest, and their shy pals.
Just a quick reminder: You do not insult Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. (May she rest forever in white diamonds delicately arranged on shards of hot tin roofs.) However, I am perfectly OK with insulting Mr. David Gest, who somehow has the craziest expression in this photo. Liza, why. Michael, whatever. Ms. Elizabeth, I appreciate the Cleopatra throwback cape.
Am I missing the greatest wedding photo of all? Please enlighten me.
1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen
Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
2013 | Thriller | RSummary: Based on the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) a Miami bodybuilder who wants to live the American dream. He would like to have the money that other people have. So he enlists the help of fellow bodybuilder Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and ex-convict, Christian bodybuilder Paul Doyle (D...Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
2007 | Comedy | PGSummary: Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor (McGinley) with a bizarre approach to business.Director: Steve Carr
Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
Cast: Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Lanter
2013 | Drama | RSummary: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill have boundless energy in the story of a real-life commodities crook who earned millions through scummy small-time stock trades.Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
Let Streaming Genie help you.