You know what the problem with Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle brand GOOP is? I never feel like it's preachy enough.

Well, problem solved. In association with GOOP, trainer Tracy Anderson is releasing a cardio video called "Releasing Your Inner Pop Star." There's a five-minute preview and it confounds the senses, climbs into your nervous system, and paralyzes you using gluten-free sorcery. I am somehow less of a pop star now than I was before. 

Am I wrong or this dance basically impossible? Also: Is it a dance? It looks like thrusting, trotting, and bopping in place to me. It looks like confusion.

But look, even if the dance isn't for you, the funnest part about trying it out is pretending Gwyneth is in your ear muttering, "You're doing it wrong" the whole time.