"Sometimes when I first wake up, I look in the mirror and I see a human being. Not a space alien or a mermaid or a slab of rotting meat covered in Muppets, but a regular human girl."

"And that girl doesn't need an entourage and a stadium full of adoring fans to make her happy. All she needs is a friend."

"A friend, and a hug."

"But then, as I start to wake up, and put on my wigs, and my 19-inch heels, and douse myself in my signature perfume, I realize that I am not just a human being, after all."

"Oh no. I am not normal. I am not boring. I am not just like everyone else. I am actually the farthest thing in the world from a regular girl.

"What I am... is a butt."

(photos via Terry's Diary)