Who’s your favorite blonde actress under five-foot tall? I bet it’s Kristin Chenoweth, isn’t it? It totally is, I nailed it! Since you obviously love Kristin Chenoweth sooo much, I’m sure you follow her on Twitter. And if you follow her on Twitter, you must be utterly baffled by the incomprehensible things she tends to write. Well, fear no more, Kristin Chenoweth Fan Club members, for I am here to shed some light on the meaning behind some of your beloved deity’s most puzzling tweets. And please, stop sending her all those creepy love letters, already.
Tweet: "I am reunited with Madeline Kahn Chenoweth, dog. Tomorrow!”
Explanation: Kristin was announcing that in one day, she would be reunited with her dog, Madeline Kahn Chenoweth.
Tweet: “Yea siamese spider are doubly bad.-“
Explanation: A few weeks before tweeting this, Kristin killed a large spider that had taken up residence inside her home. The incident haunted her, leading her to formulate the notion that a spider with two heads would be twice as scary as a regular spider.
“Everyone needs to read Maureen Dowds column in the MY TIMES today. Important.”
Explanation: This tweet contains a typo. “MY TIMES” should read “NY TIMES,” which is the name of the newspaper that employs Maureen Dowd as a columnist. Whereas “MY TIMES” is a newsletter sent quarterly to the friends and family of a woman named Susan who lives in Minnesota and has as of late been kept very busy by her knitting and her spring vegetable garden.
Tweet: “When does the gurgling, nasuea end. When”
Explanation: At this time, Kristin had the flu and was wondering when her stomach would feel better.
Tweet: “my dad just read the story of the birth of Jesus in Luke. Merry Christmas all!”
Explanation: This was tweeted on Christmas Eve. Presumably, Kristin means that her father read the story of the birth of Jesus as it’s told in the Gospel of Luke, and not that her father read a story about Luke giving birth to Jesus. But you never know what kind of weird stuff goes on at family get-togethers in KC’s home state of Oklahoma.
Tweet: “Mobwives is on.”
Explanation: Mob Wives was on.
Tweet: “I am so excited about 2013 people!”
Explanation: This was tweeted in December of 2012, so it likely means that Kristin was excited about the approaching year 2013, and not that she has two-thousand-and-thirteen friends she really, really likes. But doesn’t that sound nice.
Tweet: “Hi handsome!!!! I am not far at all. I will head that way in ten”
Explanation: Kristin accidentally tweeted what was supposed to be a direct message to a handsome individual she was planning to meet in ten minutes.
Tweet: “Goodnight tweeps. Hot as Haites in Los Angeleeees.”
Explanation: The night Kristin tweeted this, it was as hot as Hades in Los Angeles.
Tweet: “I doid it once!s o fuuufn”
Tweet: “I wish i was better electronically.”
Explanation: Oh honey, you’re doing fine!