Justin Bieber's Comedy Central roast is already nauseating. The sinewy imp is clearly buying  a chance for sympathy here, which is what he wants and needs. I'm already mad enough that I sometimes listen to his duet with Carly Rae Jepsen. Why do I have to indulge him with an official party in his honor?

In the first promo for Justin Bieber's March 30 roast, we watch as the shirtless, ink-bedazzled F.O.U. (Friend of Usher) takes a few slow-motion yolks to the torso. I'm sure some of the roast's jokes will be funny, but will Bieber be cool enough to appreciate them? Like Meryl Streep in "Doubt," I have doubt.