Jesus Will Save You from Food, Says This Saint
The folks at Everything is Terrible just saved us from food, Satan, and "the arms of Egypt" with this incredible video.
In what appears to be a collection of self-help clips from exactly 1993, a tall-haired woman who looks like Christine Baranski's scheming cousin tells you how Jesus can come into your life and save you from "the heartless slave-driver called food." Repent! The kingdom of carbohydrates is at hand.
Here is another holy truth I discovered: It is impossible to pick a best line from this video. Some contenders: "He is not a wimpy lover. He is a jealous, passionate God"; "Let him fill you up as you have never been filled before"; "To me, this is the cancer that permeates America." There are oh-so-many more. I'll keep you posted if I find out this is just a long lost Jan Hooks character.