You know how most little girls spend hours and hours daydreaming about that perfect wedding they'll one day have? I used to spend hours and hours worrying that someone would one day propose to me in a public setting and I'd have to turn him down. Poor Jessica here had to live out my ultimate nightmare, on the oh-so visible field during a minor league baseball game.

As a consolation to David, he should at least get to throw out the first pitch at the next New Britain Rock Cats* game.

*What is a "rock cat," please?

UPDATE: This was a hoax! Please turn your sympathies elsewhere.

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.