On October 3, "Left Behind" hits theaters because there is  literally nothing Hollywood won't reboot at this point. The new version of this trek into The Rapture stars Nicolas Cage as the hapless hero trying to navigate a world gone mad, instead of Kirk Cameron. 

With all the "worthy" people teleported off planet by the millions, everyone else must muddle through seven years of tribulations until the final stand-off between God and Satan.

So how does the Devil himself feel about this portrayal about the coming End Times? "Left Behind" went to the source himself for a pull quote.


Image Credit: Left Behind / Via BuzzFeed

But that seems so short-sighted! There are hundreds of other deities and demigods who no doubt have feelings about this film. I went straight to source to soundbites from five of them, representing a swatch of intersectional faiths from around the globe (and beyond!)

#1 - Obviously, the rest of the Christian pantheon of evil is slighted.

#2 - This scathing review comes from the Pastafarian corner.

#3 - Norse mythology warns of the folly of pitting your kids against each other.

#4 - Less humans means a speedy, glorious victory for the Elder gods.

#5 - ALL HAIL!



Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.