First off, please allow me to share with you the best Twitter joke I read all week, courtesy of "Daily Show" head writer Tim Carvell: "What if 'Behind the Candelabra' is just 90 minutes of Liberace looking for his car keys, with lots of meaningful cutaways to the candelabra?" Love that so much!

Rich Juzwiak over at Gawker received a Liberace-themed "Behind the Candelabra" swag package from HBO, and it was, shall we say, generous? (I'm trying out this new tactic where I emphasize certain words to imply innuendo and make things more interesting, even though I literally just meant that the package was generous. If you're reading this out loud, please note that my voice sounds just like Chris Isaak's.)

Here's what was inside of it:

- An iPod Nano

- Headphones

- A bottle of fancy champagne

- Two flutes, of the booze not instrument variety

- A necklace with a charm shaped like a piano

- A box shaped like a piano to hold the necklace with the charm shaped like a piano

Here's what was not inside of it:

- Narcotics

- Botox

- Lubricant

- Flair

- Schmaltz

- Camp

Ostensibly, the plan here is to get writers buzzed so they'll gush about "Candelabra," but it's also possible some might choose the more hardcore option of pawning the piano necklace and heading out to Vegas to spend a lost weekend parading about in sequins and getting high on dry cleaning fumes.

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.