I don't speak German so I don't know why Gerard Butler is using his butt as a nutcracker in the center of what appears to be some kind of newfangled gladiator stadium complete with golden furniture and tiki torches, but I can only assume it's meant to be a tribute to Tchaikovsky. I mean, crunching giant nuts with your ass is basically what ballet is, right? (Note: my working knowledge of ballet comes entirely from the movies "Center Stage" and "Save the Last Dance.")

I just hope butt-nut-crushing doesn't turn into some kind of weird sex trend. Bonus: watch all the way through to see Gerard Butt-ler dump a bucket of ice down his trousers.

(Video via Grantland)

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.