'The Amazing Spider-Man' swung into theaters over the weekend and sauntered away with a witty quip and a hefty $92 million domestic box office. But despite all monetary evidence to the contrary, this movie seemed to be actively trying to make viewer hates it. A bold and controversial stance to take with a summer blockbuster but clearly one paying in dividends for Sony. But the plan to make me rail against this sequel failed. Despite a bloated story with at least three too many subplots that needed pruning, despite not passing the Bechdel Test or casting more than one non-white actor in a speaking role, I didn't hate this movie.  I just have a lot of questions…




1. How is Spider-Man's super genius dad this much of an idiot?

Photo Courtesy of SONY Pictures

When we first meet Peter Parker's dad, he is in the process of shutting down his OSCORP project and fleeing the scene. Clearly realizing his life is in danger, he makes the last logical decision of his life and drops his son off into the safety of Ben and May Parker's brownstone. Then the brain damage brought on by a small aneurysm sets in. Because that is the only logical reason you would disarm a man trying to murder you on a private jet (???) and not immediately SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD. And both Richard and Mary seem blind-sided by the fact chartering a personal pan plane with no other passengers/witnesses that could be easily disposed of is a stupid, stupid idea.

2. Why didn't anyone tell me drowning in a bath of electric eels grants super powers?

Photo Courtesy of SONY Pictures

I mean, that's what happened to Electro. There was no weird chemical in the pipelines or freak gamma radiation emanating from the water. Just Electro, some genetically modified eels, and a leftover bacta tank from 'The Empire Strikes Back.' Do you think everyone bitten by OSCORP genetically altered animals gets superpowers? Because a sample study of two shows 100% of the time, yes…yes they do. Wait, don't tell me. Electro's dad was the modified eel specialist and used his own blood while creating the biological power supplies.


3. Can Electro breathe underwater?

Photo Courtesy of SONY Pictures

He's being held in a tank of water to suspend his powers but nobody ever said that was like the oxygen water in 'The Abyss' so either Electro is slowly drowning or he can breathe underwater or he doesn't need to breathe anymore and this seems like a fairly important distinction to the prisoner's mental health. Maybe if he wasn't so oxygen deprived, he wouldn't be having episodes of dub step schizophrenia.


Mom. Wife. Geek. Gamer. Feminist. Writer. Sarcastic. Succinct. Donna has been writing snark for the Internet in one form or another for almost a decade. She has a lot of opinions, mostly on science-fiction, fantasy, feminism, and Sailor Moon. Follow her on Twitter (@MildlyAmused) for more of all these things.