"Hello, Ryan Lochte. How are you?"

"Well, that's certainly good to hear."

"So, Ryan, tell me a little about yourself."

"Wow. Okay. That seems a little strange, but I guess-"

"Um. I actually don't have any plans."

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"Sure, Ryan Lochte. I'm up for sushi."

"Anything else?"

 

Liana-maeby-med
Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.