"Hello, Ryan Lochte. How are you?"

"Well, that's certainly good to hear."

"So, Ryan, tell me a little about yourself."

"Wow. Okay. That seems a little strange, but I guess-"

"Um. I actually don't have any plans."

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"Sure, Ryan Lochte. I'm up for sushi."

"Anything else?"


Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.