Hello there, Pharrell.

 So here's the thing: I think you are so goddamn cute.

Well now that is exactly what I mean.

I do, I so do. But here's the thing: not like that.

Not when you're hanging out with Robin Thicke. That guy's a total tool. You realize that, right?

And "Blurred Lines" is a pretty gross song. It's super rapey. And that video?

Okay, YOU'RE still super cute in the video. But the thing itself, it's super objectifying.

So... you agree with me?

Oh, so you're being sarcastic? I kind of can't tell.

Okay, now I know you're being sarcastic. And it's killing me, because I really do love you!

I'm not even sure what that means or what the tone of it is, but I'll take it. So can we just agree about "Blurred Lines"? That it was a poor choice?

And... I will take that as a "no."

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.