Hey, Guy Fieri. What have you been up to?

Oh yeah? Cool. What else?

Wow. Lots of variety in your life.

So, Guy - can I call you Guy?

You want me to call you Super Duper Weenie?

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. How about I call you Mr. Fieri?

I know. It's a novel idea. Okay, I gotta run.

Yeah. Catch you later, Mr. Fieri.

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.