Hello there, Gordon Ramsay!

Oh. Do you not want to talk? You invited me here.

Thanks! I guess you do want to talk. So, um, how are you?

I'm sorry to hear that, Gordon. Anything I can do to help?

I guess I'll take that as a no.

You know what? I think I'm just gonna-

- Go. I think I'm just gonna go.

What am I doing? I'm leaving. You called me a fucking donkey.

Gladly. Anything else?

Really mature, Gordon. Reaaally mature.

Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.