Back in ye olden days, before our blessed lord Internet had descended from the cloud to bless us with infinite cat videos, society contented itself with watching humans maul eat other to death in an arena setting…wait. Too far back.

Society contented itself with traveling miles over dusty roads to gawk at people born with strange deformities or proficient with unique skills. And they didn't even have the decency to pretend it was for charity instead of cheap entertainment and questionable popcorn quality.

Later this year, 'American Horror Story' will seek to capture that moment of Americana with by setting their 4th season at a carnival in the 1950s. But what would sideshow attractions look like today? Tattooed Ladies are teaching Sunday school and the ability to eat large quantities of food is a legitimate sport. Instead, perhaps a modern day freakshow would look more like these fine…yet strange…creatures.

#1 - Come one, come all! See the man who plays fast and loose with cell phone service fate!


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#2 - Gawk at the spectacle of a young couple with the means to roll the debt dice!


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#3 - Tweet and Instagram your encounter with the woman with an attention span of over TWO MINUTES!


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#4 - Behold this Smooth-Skinned Abomination, one of the last Wonders of the World! 


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#5 - Tell your grandchildren you saw a Millennial with the disposal income to think beyond next month!


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#6 - And of course, the rarest of all creatures...


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