1. Jon Stewart has grown a beard.

2. When Jon Stewart grows a beard, part of it comes in white and part of it comes in a sandy brown.

3. Most of the sandy brown hair is concentrated in the mustache area.

4. Except for some extra sandy brown hair, which falls beneath the lip.

5. When Jon Stewart grows a beard, it makes him look as though he has tried to eat a sloppy joe while blindfolded and handcuffed, in a place that has banned napkins (Portland, probably).

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Liana Maeby grew up in Los Angeles and it has made her just as terrible as you'd expect. A graduate of USC's film school, she previously worked as an editor for Crushable.com, and has written for publications like Interview and The Village Voice. Her first book, a satirical work entitled "Earl Can Hurl (You Can Hurl Too)" written when she was eight, remains unpublished.