Remember those endlessly-parodied Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercials? They made more of them:

He may be trolling us at this point, but fine. You win, Matthew! Here are five reasons why these are obviously ridiculous.

1. McConaughey staring wistfully at the horizon.

Check out those fine lines! He is such a wizened sage, this man who once made "Surfer, Dude."

2. McConaughey's total smug assurance about what he is saying.

Which is actually pretty easy to do when you're saying stuff that any sane person will agree is true and reasonable.

3. The music.

"Settle in for some radical wisdom," it tells us as Matthew reads from my mom's inspirational refrigerator magnets.

4. The implication that he can control the weather.

When the rain stops abruptly after a good 20 seconds of hard pondering by Matthew, it seems to suggest that he has asserted his dominance over the elements. "Ha, licked it," he smiles to himself. Open up those moonroofs, Matthew McConaughey has successfully extended the drought.

5. That dark, empty coffee shop

You know they opened it just for him.

A former contributor to sites including MTV's The Backlot and Bloody-Disgusting, Chris Eggertsen worked in film development before indulging his love of pop culture writing full time. He specializes in horror, the intersection of social issues and entertainment and Howard Stern. He's on Twitter @HitFixChris.