Todd Barry has a lovely speaking voice. I mean yeah, he’s amazingly funny and puts out great comedy albums and seems to pop up on all the best TV shows (“Louie,” “Bob’s Burgers,” “Delocated” to name a few), but the thing to remember about Todd is that has a really terrific and lovely speaking voice. Or remember that other crap instead, I’m not here to control your goddamn hippocampus. What I am here to do is concoct immeasurably stupid questions and thrust them upon funny people like Todd. Here’s what Mr. Barry had to say:

Okay, Todd, give it to me straight. What would be the worst superpower to have?
Todd Barry: The ability to refill a salt shaker by just blinking. HOW OFTEN ARE YOU GONNA USE THAT ONE?!

If you could have anyone in the world, living or dead, cook for you, who would it be?
Abraham Lincoln. Apparently, he made a really good Pad Thai. Not too much sauce.

Have you ever gotten into a fist fight?
This sounds like a "joke" answer, but I'm actually in a fist fight as we speak! Winning, too!

Mexico or Canada?
I've never been to Mexico. Fly me there. Whoever this interview is for should fly me to Mexico. [Ed. Note: I told Todd who this interview was for. Now I feel super insecure and am experiencing a public existential crisis. You can forget that first class ticket to Mexico via an elderly but docile donkey, Barry.]
 
Beatles or Stones?
Both of them refuse to follow me on Twitter, so I won't give any endorsement.