Ariana Grande's new music video for "Break Free" is a dizzying trip back in time. A simpler time known as the 1970s, when futurism still looked like a chrome-plated utopia instead of a barren wasteland of man's arrogance. Or a simpler time known as the late 1990s, when music videos were glitzy odes to advancements in green screen technology.
But unlike Britney Spears video for "Oops, I Did It Again" — which "Break Free" definitely has shades of — Grande has a grander vision (zing!). Her future is not for man to go to Mars…like some are claiming…but beyond. And this retro-future looks like a sweet deal compared to reality. For example:
1. We will have colonized — or at least explored — solar systems beyond our own.
This is clearly not Mars. More like Mars had a baby with Flash Gordon. But the styrofoam rocks are straight out of an episode of "Star Trek: ToS." Classic.
2. Our alien adversaries will be dumb and easily outsmarted.
Either these dudes have really poor hearing or futuristic space stilettos come with built-in silencers. That's the only explanation for how Grande was able to sneak up on them. Also, considering how easy it is to trick/murder the aliens, how did these bumbling fools even capture Grande's crew? Perhaps they were merely henchmen.
3. Getting undressed in Zero G looks like fun.
What? It does! Don't judge me.
4. We will have perfected the art of secret boob guns.
Grande's complete ambivalence here is what really sells it. In contrast to Katy Perry's puppy-like excitement over whipped cream breast canons or Sofia Vergara's machine gun bra rage, future femme fatales will find housing weapons of mass destruction in their push-up to just be good fashion sense.
5. Finger guns make a comeback.
Why did we ever let them go out of style to begin with?