10 hilarious tweets from Ted Travelstead
Funny guy Ted Travelstead is the best. He's got a beard, a book out, called "The Petraeus Files: All the Photos, Chats, Poems, and Other Super-Secret Emails They Don't Want You to See," a beautiful and perfect Vine, and a killer set of jokes on Twitter.
The beard is red.
Ted tweets as @trumpetcake for reasons I don't know but would very much like to find out. Here are 10 of his most delightful jokes:
10. "What is this, 'The Jetsons?'" is a fun question to ask loudly every time you see someone texting.
9. I hope I'm never as lonely as the "Pizza Slice" button on my microwave.
8. I sob and sing Adele while eating French Fries so no one will ask me for any.
7. It seems like the guys most likely to say, "NICE TITS!" are also the ones that get the angriest when I say it to them.
6. A cool, funky alternative to buying one of those fancy home soda kits is to go to bed.
5. PLEASE NO MORE SEXY M&M COMMERCIALS, YOU SICK FUCKS.
4. Just found out that my cat, Jellybeans, is just an old bag of jellybeans. Still love him so much.
3. Every time I get dressed I make sure I take a second to ask myself, "How will this look stepping out of a time machine?"
2. If Arnold Palmer offers you an "Arnold Palmer," DO NOT DRINK IT.
1. Just call it a crime mask. No one skis in them anymore.
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1984 | Comedy | NRSummary: An alien slave crashes lands in New York city while being pursued by two Men in Black bounty hunters. His attempt to find a place for himself on earth parallels that of the immigrant experience.Director: John Sayles
Cast: Joe Morton, Rosanna Carter, Ray Ramirez, Yves Rene
1996 | Drama | RSummary: Tony Shalhoub and Stanley Tucci (who also co-writes and co-directs) star as brothers who attempt to save their failing restaraunt by staging a big event.Director: Campbell Scott, Stanley Tucci
Cast: Tony Shalhoub, Stanley Tucci, Marc Anthony, Minnie Driver, Isabella Rosselini
1950 | Drama | NRSummary: A small-time screenwriter is drawn into the life of a fading silent film goddess like a fly in a spider's web. Murder and madness await within her gloomy old Hollywood home.Director: Billy Wilder
Cast: William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich von Stroheim
2013 | Family | NRSummary: One night, a shooting star appears, whizzing through outer space towards the moon. Moon Man seizes his chance, grabs the speeding comet by the tail and hitches a ride to earth. This 'attack from outer space' sets the alarm bells ringing in the Presidential Headquarters. While escaping the Preside...Director: Stephan Schesch
Cast: Tomi Ungerer, Katharina Thalbach, Ulrich Tukur
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by. It has deep soul, a wicked sense of humor, and Samuel L. Jackson, Robert De Niro, Pam Grier, and Robert Forster.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
1956 | Musical | NRSummary: Musical remake of The Philadelphia Story with a Cole Porter score and a vibrant cast featuring Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Celeste Holm, and Bing Crosby.Director: Charles Walters
Cast: Bing Crosby, Grace Kelly, Frank Sinatra
1956 | Adventure | GSummary: The incomprable David Niven is Phileas Fogg, an Englishman who believes gusto and scheduling is all he needs to traverse the globe in a cameo-laden film that co-stars Shirley Maclaine.Director: Michael Anderson
Cast: David Niven, Cantinflas, Finlay Currie
2001 | Family | PGSummary: The children of a super-spy couple must rescue their parents when mom and dad are targeted by a powerful maniac with dreams of world domination in this clever spin of espionage action.Director: Robert Rodriguez
Cast: Alexa PenaVega, Daryl Sabara, Antonio Banderas
1960 | Family | GSummary: Shipwrecked on a deserted island, the Robinson family works together to survive, and even to recreate their vision of civilization on the island.Director: Ken Annakin
Cast: John Mills, Dorothy McGuire, James MacArthur
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