10 hilarious tweets from Ken Jennings
So it turns out that Ken Jennings is so much more than just the guy who won Jeopardy 74 nights in a row -- which is already a pretty bigtime thing to be. He's also the author of a book called "Brainiac" (followed by a colon and a BUNCH of other words), and, most importantly, he's a fella who's very funny on Twitter.
Ken tweets as @KenJennings for our enjoyment -- and don't worry, dumb dummies, everything he says is way accessible. Here are 10 of his best jokes:
10. I printed out Wikipedia yesterday so if you guys have papers due, tweet me and I'll try to help.
9. A bird just got trapped in our wind chimes and made the next Bon Iver record.
8. Hey suns wearing sunglasses: that's not going to help, stupid. Think about it.
7. Why is it so hard just to get your kids to say "bitch please" and "bitch thank you"
6. If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?
5. Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
4. Protip: if you're ever stranded somewhere and don't have AAA, text stuff like "yeah 9/11" and "Allah akbar" TO ANY NUMBER for a free pickup!
3. If honey bottles come in the shape of a bear, ranch dressing bottles should come in the shape of a fat Midwestern dad named Alan.
2. The spelling bee would be better if the kids had to say "to the" between each letter in their word.
1. I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really listening.
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1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
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Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
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Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
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Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
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