The one and only time I met Guy Endore-Kaiser in person, I confessed I used to think his Twitter was a parody account because of that amazing name. "A parody of what?" he asked, and what I wanted to say was, "A HUMAN BEING," but what I actually said was absolutely nothing out of some unfortunate sense of propriety or not wanting to be an asshole, or whatever. It was a big mistake, and I clearly still regret it. But this post? It's my chance to finally get that out into the world. A human being, Guy. A parody of a human being.
Guy, who tweets as @GuyEndoreKaiser, is a TV writer. He worked for the charming and unfortunately short-lived FOX show "Allen Gregory," and his new series "Ghostbags" was just picked up by Adult Swim. ("Ghostbags" was co-created by Hayes Davenport, which is another completely fake-sounding name.) Guy's tweets are super funny and very smart. Here are ten of his greatest:
10. Leonardo DiCaprio is such a method actor, that for the role of Jay Gatsby he spent twenty years living as a handsome, charming millionaire.
9. If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
8. If you are ever at a playground and someone asks you which kid is yours, just for fun tell them you haven't decided yet.
7. By losing Dancing With the Stars, Rob Kardashian has officially become the most accomplished Kardashian.
6. Worried about what to be for Halloween this year? Check your driver's license. If you're over 21, you don't have to be anything!
5. Remember when America was like a hot 18-year-old, and all the creepy old countries were giving us huge statues?
4. Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt. It is so big. Also check out her tits. Becky, I think I'm a lesbian.
3. Ha! Major typo on page 28 of the new iTunes agreement. Anyone else catch that?
2. If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
1. I would rather cut off fourteen inches of my penis than lie to impress a girl.