10 hilarious tweets from comedian and actress Charlene deGuzman
Charlene deGuzman is an almost-too-funny actress and comedian whose video "I Forgot My Phone" is required viewing for anyone who doesn't hate laughter. (You can't watch, Grandpa M. -- so go back to grumbling at squirrels.)
Charlene tweets as @charstarlene and is funny absolutely all the time. Here are 10 of her very best jokes:
10. Sometimes I can't sleep because I'm excited about cereal.
9. Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your mom was eating that banana.
8. Yo, you ever get a little jealous while pairing up your socks?
7. Excited to say I'll be performing my one-woman show called "What's Wrong? Nothing" all day and forever.
6. THE GHOSTS OF YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIPS ARE SPEAKING TO YOU THROUGH ITUNES SHUFFLE
5. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I can't orgasm until I've seen you properly handle "it's" and "its".
4. "Time is so crazy. What is time? It passes and before you know it, you die alone," I said. "Your pizza isn't ready yet," he repeated.
3. I can't wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.
2. "I would rather die than be ordinary!" I shouted. "Please get off the giraffe," security repeated.
1. Whenever I hear sirens I like to imagine the driver just realized he is in love.
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