10 hilarious tweets from Andy Richter
Andy Richter is so much more than just the other guy to Conan O'Brien's other guy. I, for one, am still lamenting the cancellation of the too-short-lived "Andy Barker, P.I.," so if anyone wants to start a club where we just hang out and talk about that, please let me know.
Tweeting as @AndyRichter, which appears to be a pseudonym, the comedian is a constant delight. Here are 10 of his funniest jokes:
10. You know those Sex Houses, the little wooden houses with the hole for your dick that people hang in trees? Apparently those are for birds.
9. I feel bad for scarf-wearing guys. Their necks get so cold they have to walk around looking all douchey! Even in 80 degree weather!
8. BREAKING NEWS: Green Light Given to New Animated Feature, "Fuck, I Dunno. Maybe Dracula Helps Santa? Might As Well Have Dinosaurs, Too."
7. When I get down, I think of what my Grandma used to tell me. She'd smile & say "Nobody gives a shit about your stupid problems, fatso."
6. Saw sign in yoga store: Do One Thing A Day That Scares You. So today I start raping coyotes.
5. Main reason I don't believe in conspiracies is I have been around humans while they try to perform tasks as a group. Very clunky.
4. Inspired by those who announce they're unfollowing me, spent evening phoning restaurants to tell them I wouldn't be dining there tonight.
3. People, Blade Runner is set in 2019! We have so much work to do!
2. My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
1. Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I'm saying is Batman is a douche