Look, it's Shakespeare's 450th birthday. We at Riot are generally concerned with internet memes and Zac Efron's musculature, but let's give credit where its due: These are real celebs kicking real ass in real Shakesperean roles and no one's worthy. And we can't contain ourselves.
So, here are 10 people kicking thine ass in Shakespearean roles and leaving you in the mortal, pathetic dust.
1. MERYL STREEP SERVING YOU DEATH SASS IN "THE TAMING OF THE SHREW'2 JUDI DENCH WITH GUNPOWDER EYES AND A KEVLAR HEART IN "TWELFTH NIGHT"
3. RALPH FIENNES IS A HOTHEADED TRAITOR BAD-ASS IN "CORIOLANUS," SO JUST DEAL WITH IT.
4. KATE WINSLET HAS A SONG FOR YOU LOSERS, AND IT'S A HEARTBREAK AND A GODDAMN TREASURE IN "HAMLET"
5. NOW IS THE WINTER OF YOU MELTING AT THE COMPUTER, BECAUSE KEVIN SPACEY IS A HUNCHBACKED HELLRAISER IN "RICHARD III"
6. THIS IS CNN? CLOSE, MORON, IT'S JAMES EARL JONES THROWING DOWN AN "OTHELLO" MONOLOGUE AND STARTING FIRES WITH EVERY SYLLABLE.
7. PLEASE HAND OVER 40 POUNDS OF FLESH TO AL PACINO, WHO IS SLAYING AND SLAYING IN "THE MERCHANT OF VENICE."
8. PATRICK STEWART SEES A DAGGER, SEES THAT YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, AND SEES THAT YOU DIE TONIGHT BECAUSE YOU'RE CRYING LIKE LESLEY GORE AT THIS KICKASS "MACBETH" MONOLOGUE.
9. EMMA THOMPSON ENJOYS A SIP OF PERFECTION AND THROWS THE REST AT YOUR PIMPLY VISAGE IN "MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING."
10. LAURENCE OLIVIER? OH YES. LAURENCE. OLIVIER. HE IS HERE AND VIVIEN LEIGH IS SHAKING AND YOU'RE SHAKING AND EVERYONE IS ALREADY DEAD AT THIS CLASSIC PERFECT CLASSIC CLASSIC "HENRY V" CLIP.
That was exhausting. No one is left standing -- not even Fortinbras.