Pick only one favorite 'Simpsons' quote? That's unpossible!
What one line of dialogue stands out above the rest from 499 episodes?
Your humble critic's favorite "Simpsons" quote comes from season 6's "A Star is Burns."
Okay, so yesterday's post in which I challenged everyone to name their favorite episode of "The Simpsons" — and only one episode, with no lists, no runners-up or other equivocating — drew a lot of interest. And with the 500th episode airing tomorrow, I'm going to make it even tougher on you guys with today's challenge:
Pick your favorite quote from "The Simpsons."
Again, pick only one.
Yes, only one.
It can be the quote you find the funniest, a quote that touches you (several of the people who cited "Lisa's Substitute" yesterday cited Mr. Bergstrom's note to Lisa as the reason why), one you use the most in your everyday life, or whatever. The reason, and the quote, are entirely up to you. Just pick the one, and if you want to explain why, feel free.
For me, I go with a line I use more than every other, due to my chosen profession as a TV cricket. It's from season 6's "A Star Is Burns" — the one episode Matt Groening hates, because he feels FOX forced them to do a crossover with "The Critic," but which I love — and features Homer, Marge and Jay Sherman working as judges for Springfield's film festival. Barney makes a touching film about his struggles with alcoholism, which Marge and Jay love, but Homer can't let go of his love of Hans Moleman's "Man Getting Hit By Football," and his explanation of why is my pick:
"Barney's movie had heart, but 'Football in the Groin' had a football in the groin."
Trenchant, incisive criticism there, folks. That's my pick.
What's yours?
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About This Blog
All through his childhood, Alan Sepinwall's relatives told his parents, "All that boy does is watch television! How's he going to make a living doing that?" His career as a TV critic has been 15 years and counting of his attempt to answer their concerns. "What's Alan Watching" is a blog whose title is self-explanatory: Alan watches TV shows, then writes about what he watched. He can be reached at sepinwall@hitfix.com
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Next 738 CommentsJohn
February 18, 2012 at 10:04AM EST Reply to Comment"Dental Plan!" "Lisa needs braces... "Dental Plan!" "Lisa needs braces..."
brian This isn't the most clever line, but this and "you don't win friends with salad" are stuck in my brain forever.
February 18, 2012 at 1:44PM EST
February 18, 2012 at 3:26PM ESTWho Dat Future Bart: More cream corn Jimbo Jr?
February 20, 2012 at 4:42PM ESTJimbo Jr: This cream corn tastes like cream crap!
Future Bart: Watch the potty mouth hun.
anon the whole in the garden of eden scene in church is absolutely incredible. rev. lovejoy realizing, "wait a minute... this sounds like rock and or roll music!"
February 20, 2012 at 4:56PM ESTa bu these white slippers are albino african endangered rhino!
February 20, 2012 at 5:10PM ESTbrian Moe: Oh, your "teef" hurt, huh? Your "teef" hurt? Well that's too freaking bad! You hear me? I'll tell you where you can put your freaking sodie too!
February 20, 2012 at 5:16PM ESTTodd: Ow, my freaking ears!
chris -chowdere
February 20, 2012 at 5:24PM EST-its chowda! say it right!
-chowdere, sir.
Mike
February 18, 2012 at 10:14AM EST Reply to CommentLadies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
laurence2174 It is incredibly hard to argue with this.
February 18, 2012 at 10:23AM EST
February 18, 2012 at 12:45PM ESTshma "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside? "
February 18, 2012 at 1:01PM EST"Yes I would, Kent"
t At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty
February 18, 2012 at 2:55PM ESTTR
February 18, 2012 at 10:14AM EST Reply to Comment"I was saying Boo-Urns."
Zach L I say this at nearly every sporting event I go to...
February 18, 2012 at 4:17PM ESTRD BOOURNS. If something doesn't go the way I want it too, the first utterance from my mouth is always BOOURNS. It'll be with me forever.
February 19, 2012 at 10:31PM ESTBlake
February 18, 2012 at 10:14AM EST Reply to CommentDoh!
Julius
February 18, 2012 at 10:18AM EST Reply to Comment"When you get to hell, tell 'em Itchy sent you." Itchy and Scratchy Land
Andy
February 18, 2012 at 10:18AM EST Reply to Comment"I am so smart, I am so smart... S-M-R-T ...D'oh!"
Aaron Green This is my most quoted line of all time!
February 18, 2012 at 12:37PM ESTProbe We named our Trivia team after this.
February 18, 2012 at 10:25PM ESTJenny
February 18, 2012 at 10:19AM EST Reply to CommentTo alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems.
Dave K I'm intrigued by your ideas, I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter
February 18, 2012 at 4:17PM ESTLee Harvey I vote for the alcohol line, too. It was the first one I thought of when I saw this story.
February 18, 2012 at 5:17PM ESTTara Seconded whole-heartedly.
February 19, 2012 at 9:55AM ESTjstone77
February 18, 2012 at 10:19AM EST Reply to CommentCome, family. Let us bask in television's warm, glowing warming glow.
February 18, 2012 at 9:57PM ESTJason P.
February 18, 2012 at 10:19AM EST Reply to Comment"Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?!" "Yes." "May I see it?" "No."
Vipul This is easily my favorite. Best quote ever.
February 18, 2012 at 10:36AM ESTEd This may end up being my favorite, still making it through all the others
February 19, 2012 at 12:15AM ESTDaggor While I have many I can quote more frequently, this exchange STILL makes me laugh.
February 19, 2012 at 1:09AM ESTDavid
February 18, 2012 at 10:21AM EST Reply to CommentDON'T YOU HATE PANTS?
Tim Co-sign
February 18, 2012 at 3:23PM ESTnjq
February 18, 2012 at 10:21AM EST Reply to CommentHey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!
BTM This one cracks me up. Pretty much everything that anonymous character/voice says is usually gold.
February 18, 2012 at 1:44PM ESTjamkru21
February 18, 2012 at 10:22AM EST Reply to Comment"He can't hear you ma'am. We had to pack his ears with gauze."
jakelanier Love this line, especially leading right up to it!
February 21, 2012 at 6:07PM ESTtoddm4090
February 18, 2012 at 10:24AM EST Reply to Comment"I'm so hungry, I could eat at Arby's"
Pat oh my god you must be so hungry
February 18, 2012 at 11:33AM ESTPatrick
February 18, 2012 at 10:25AM EST Reply to CommentYou kissed a girl! That's so gay!
Kevin Tremendous.
February 18, 2012 at 1:34PM ESTeggman
February 18, 2012 at 10:25AM EST Reply to Commentoh sure lisa, a wonderful, magical animal. or: sleep, that's where I'm a Viking!
sepinwall Disqualified. PICK ONLY ONE!
February 18, 2012 at 10:32AM ESTPaul F
February 18, 2012 at 10:26AM EST Reply to Comment"Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"
Josh
February 18, 2012 at 10:26AM EST Reply to Comment"I've said it once & I'll say it again, democracy simply doesn't work." - Channel 6 news anchor Kent Brockman
February 18, 2012 at 10:46AM ESTmarcusmash
February 18, 2012 at 10:27AM EST Reply to Comment"Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."
"Homer Simpson, smiling politely."
The Noble Robot I love that one, because even though it's a "joke book" kind of joke it's still funny.
February 19, 2012 at 12:26PM ESTChris
February 18, 2012 at 10:27AM EST Reply to CommentIt's funny because it's true.
Kevin I LOVE this one.
February 18, 2012 at 1:41PM ESTTJ
February 18, 2012 at 10:28AM EST Reply to Comment"Everthing's coming up Millhouse! "
Jenn This one is mine too!
February 18, 2012 at 12:07PM ESTThe Hoobie I say this (or Bob Uecker's immortal "I must be in the front row!") every time I get a good parking space.
February 18, 2012 at 6:37PM ESTAndrew Camp
February 18, 2012 at 10:28AM EST Reply to CommentFrom "You Only Move Twice:"
Hank Scorpio: "Ever see a guy say good-bye to a shoe??"
Homer: "Yes, once."
Nish Fantastic. I had forgotten about that one.
February 20, 2012 at 5:54PM ESTShantanu
February 18, 2012 at 10:29AM EST Reply to CommentThese are my only friends: grown up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will!
MJM "Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls."
February 18, 2012 at 11:16AM ESTPootND
February 18, 2012 at 10:29AM EST Reply to CommentEverything's coming up Milhouse
JC
February 18, 2012 at 10:30AM EST Reply to Comment"Have you noticed any change in Bart?" "New glasses?" "No, he looks like something might be disturbing him." "Probably misses his old glasses."
Dave Reply to comment...
February 18, 2012 at 12:15PM ESTDave Fantastic
February 18, 2012 at 12:16PM ESTBrendan Noel That's a great one!
February 18, 2012 at 3:13PM ESTJay As a four-eyed lame-o, I paraphrase this one all the time.
February 18, 2012 at 7:42PM ESTdacity I love the entire sequence after this bit, too.
February 19, 2012 at 12:32AM ESTMarge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
Jonathan Camp
February 18, 2012 at 10:30AM EST Reply to CommentOhhhhhhh! This is so hard. I've gotta go with the classic from Citizen Kang where Kang accurately describes bipartisan politics, "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
CHINMUSIC yes!
February 18, 2012 at 10:50AM ESTBTM I believe I'll vote for a third party!
February 18, 2012 at 1:46PM ESTGo ahead! THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY!
that one is great.
MarkM "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."
February 18, 2012 at 2:48PM ESTUsed that quote repeatedly after the 2000 election.
The Hoobie Love that whole sequence; we quote it constantly. "Bob Dole doesn't need this!" "We've reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us." "I am Kang, and this is my sister, Kodos." "(Deep voice) HELLO." "We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it." "...Twirling, twirling toward freedom!"
February 18, 2012 at 7:28PM EST
February 18, 2012 at 10:30AM EST Reply to CommentHutz: I accidentally ran over his dog with my car... Marge: oh my god, really?
Hutz:: Well, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and 'dog' with 'son'."
dadandburied Same quote, but refined: "Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and replace 'dog' with 'son.'" - Lionel Hutz
February 18, 2012 at 10:38AM ESTWeebeysPlasticFish Seconded!
February 18, 2012 at 4:16PM ESTTed
February 18, 2012 at 10:31AM EST Reply to Commentol painty cans Ned.
BPV
February 18, 2012 at 10:31AM EST Reply to Comment"Still better than Steinbrenner"
DL
February 18, 2012 at 10:32AM EST Reply to CommentHey! Apu just called. This Friday, Lisa's team is playing Bart's team. You'll be in direct competition! And I don't want you to go easy on each other just because you're brother and sister. I want to see you both fighting for your parents' love! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
David L
February 18, 2012 at 10:32AM EST Reply to CommentIn theory, communism works. In theory.
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