Thoughts on another bloody 'True Blood' finale
If all else fails, Jessica in Red Riding Hood garb will always succeed
Deborah Ann Woll of 'True Blood'
Credit: HBO
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Anybody who read my early-season "True Blood" review knows that I took a vow of Not Caring. I decided that expecting "True Blood" to be anything other than country-fried hokum slathered with several ladles of silly-sauce was folly and that expecting meaning, nuance or consistency from Alan Ball and his team could only lead to disappointment.
I tried.
I swear I tried.
[Spoilers coming, y'all...]
But then I sat through seven or eight weeks of trying desperately to pretend that Fiona Shaw being British acting royalty somehow meant that she couldn't possibly be giving one of the worst performances I've ever seen on TV. Her interpretation of Marnie as an irate stroke patient unable to do either a Southern accent or a Spanish accent properly may be viewed as courageously hammy in some eyes, but to me, it was just a huge mess and the center of a long-term witching plotline that never engaged me for a single second.
I watched Sookie Stackhouse, once at least a vaguely interesting character, become so erratic and inconsistently motivated that it became clear that she wasn't being written by a team of writers, but rather steered by the psychic energies of a group of schizophrenic fan-fic devotees who ultimately decided what they truly wanted was for Sookie to be having a supernatural gangbang every week with five or six vampires, two or three werewolves and whatever treasure-hording leprechauns happened to be passing through Bon Temps.
There was an anti-climactic plotline involving Arlene and Terry's Demon Baby and its Demon Doll that ultimately raised more questions than were ever answered, before everybody agreed never to discuss it again.
There was the rape-tastic arc in Hot Shot that left Jason Stackhouse briefly physically and mentally scarred before everybody agreed to never discuss it again.
There was a plotline involving new scruffy werewolves, which dovetailed the Alcide and Sam arcs because the writers must have looked at their early outlines for the season and realized that neither character had any reason to be on the show at all, much less take off their shirts.
There was Andy Bellefleur's battle with V addiction, which was cured thanks to some tough love from Terry and to a roll in the hay with a fairy. Or something like those things.
There was Tara running off to become a lesbian cage-fighter determined she'd never let herself be a victim to malevolent forces ever again, only to saunter back to Bon Temps to become exactly the annoying perpetual victim she always was before.
There was Eric, who went from deliciously evil to amusingly brain wiped to OH DEAR GOD, BRING BACK REAL ERIC in a period of 15 minutes. All that arc did for me was prove that it's possible for Anna Paquin nudity to finally become a bit excessive. I don't remember if it was the soft core sex scene in the forest or the other soft core sex scene in the snow or the other soft core sex scene in the shower, but at some point I looked at the TV and said, "Maybe it's time you put on some clothing, young lady." I hope I never feel that way about gratuitous HBO nudity ever again.
There was Bill having sex with his great-great-great-etc-granddaughter, briefly chatting with the chick from "Who's The Boss?" and deciding that arc was never worth discussing ever again.
There were the consecutive episodes in which characters compared the Vampire Rights Movement to the Civil Rights Movement, which would have been hilariously offensive and ignorant except that when Alan Ball says "True Blood" isn't allegorical in ANY way, he's not kidding. So Nan and Bill were actually referring to some totally fictional Civil Rights Movement, perhaps one involving elves at the North Pole.
And there was the weird thing where we were supposed to all be sad about Tommy when he died, even though he was the most annoying and unnecessary character ever on a show that specializes in annoying and unnecessary characters and my reaction was, "Why the [bleep] didn't they just kill him last season?"
Yeah, I really put a little effort into making "True Blood" into Turn Off The Brain Sunday Entertainment, but Alan Ball and company often couldn't even deliver on that. And don't give me that "If you dislike 'True Blood' so much, why do you watch?" tripe. If you don't know already that I'm fueled by my annoyance, it's like we don't know each other at all.
But speaking of annoyance... Time for at least a little chatter about Sunday's (September 11) "True Blood" finale. This won't be a recap, because Leslie recaps "True Blood" for HitFix.
So, in fact, let's just do this in bullet-points.
*** The last five minutes were badass. There. I acknowledged it. Are you happy? Actually, I don't know if it was really five minutes. Let's say that from the point at which Alcide discovers that somebody (Russell Edgington, presumably, though there could be other vampires silvered and buried in concrete in the vicinity) was dug out of his parking garage until we were left with Sookie trying desperately to do anything to summon help (anything short of picking up a phone) for a seemingly dead Tara, I really liked all of that. Bill staking Nan and Eric beheading her three "gay stormtroopers" for insinuating that they were Sookie's puppies? Excellent. Sookie blasting away at Debbie Pelt? About darned time. And Tara presumably being sent to the hereafter? Well, let's just say that I have no desire for that character to return again, but I fear that the writers have other plans to victimize Tara again and again in the future. Because... after all... it was quite the night for comebacks.
*** Michael McMillian's Steve Newlin's back! And he's a vampire now. Oh. Sure. I'd say "It's like when an ultra conservative preacher rails against the homosexual lifestyle, but then turns out to be gay himself," but "True Blood" IS NOT ABOUT ALLEGORY. Or satire. Or... anything. Provided Jason doesn't accidentally invite Steve into his shanty, I'm not especially interested.
*** Michael Raymond-James' Rene's back! And he's warning Arlene that Terry's got some ghosts in his past and that bad stuff is coming. I don't know how those bad things relate to the arrival of Scott Foley as Terry's old military buddy, but I'm sure I would if I'd read the books. Anyway, I'd rather have Britt Pollack back, but the fact that 95% of "True Blood" fans don't know who Britt Pollack is probably explains why he isn't coming back.
*** Lois Smith's Gran's back! And she's weirdly powerful! Marnie, the major plotline of the season, was resolved with a carton of salt, a barely relevant character named Holly and a deus ex Gran. I think Gran also told Sookie that it's OK to be alone, which led to...
*** The Most. Awkward. Rose. Ceremony. Ever. Sookie's letting both Eric and Bill suckle at her wrists, in adorably matching blue-and-red striped bathrobes, and having achieved exactly the menage a trois she's spent three seasons trying to craft, she decides this is the right moment to make a big "I choose me..." speech. I expected Chris Harrison to wander in, console Bill and Eric and reassure them that they'll always have a home on "Vampire Bachelor Pad." It's easy for Sookie to do, because she's the love of Bill's life, the love of Eric's life and Alcide already suggested that she may be the love of his life as well and he hasn't even had sex in a forest with her. And *everybody* has had sex in the forest with Sookie. More than a few viewers probably were inclined to agree with Pam and her outraged pronouncement, "I'm so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. F*** Sookie."
*** Going back to Tara for a second. We're two minutes into the episode and I'm taking notes. Tara and Sookie are having a heart to heart and Tara says "What are we, like magnets for f***ing craziness or something?" At this point, my notes read "So, ummm... Tara's dead, right?" I did not, however, predict death-by-shotgun. [I'm not saying I'm smart. Or clairvoyant. Just that "True Blood" has some hacky writers.
*** Nelsan Ellis got to do a lot of acting this season, didn't he? I thought he did a better job of playing the creole mama than Marnie, but who can blame him? Fiona Shaw didn't give nearly a consistent enough performance for Ellis to have a clue how to impersonate him.
*** Are you impressed that I made it this far without mentioning Little Red Riding Jessica? The "I'm not looking for a relationship" scene with Jessica and Jason was the first scene in the finale to interest me and it was nearly 40 minutes into the episode. Jessica had more of an arc this season and more Deborah Ann Woll is good for "True Blood." But how many times have we done the "Jason Stackhouse wants to prove he's more than just a himbo" thing? Several.
*** Little Red Riding Jessica. Worth repeating. Excellent.
This finale was a bit less excessively cliffhanger-y than last season's mess of a season-ender. Or maybe it was and I'm just not as invested? I guess it's bad that Eric and Bill are marked for the true death by the American Vampire League (and Russell won't be too happy with them either). And Terry's ghosts, that doesn't sound terrific (though Terry and Arlene already dealt with a spirit this season, so... whatever). And Sookie's really unhappy that Tara might be dead. And Sam and Luna are totally gonna date, which is sure to be dramatic.
Mostly, though, I have nine more months before "True Blood" returns. That's nine more months to try again to figure out how not to care...
Wish me luck.
Did you love this "True Blood" season and its finale?
A long-time member of the TCA Board and a longer-time blogger of "American Idol," Dan Fienberg writes about TV, except for when he writes about movies or sometimes writes about the Red Sox. But never music. He would sound stupid talking about music.
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Login or create a HitFix account Login SignupSwearin
September 12, 2011 at 2:13AM EST Reply to CommentI pretty much agree with 98% of everything you just said. Surprised you didn't mention the fairy world strory arc brought up in the season premiere then ignored for pretty much the entire season. Gotta say though, I think you might wanna come back next season if they do what I hope they do: Vampire Steve Newlin, Russell Edgington, ghost Rene and Fairy Queen Mab = best league of evil ever?
September 12, 2011 at 2:16AM ESTAnd don't worry, I'll be coming back next season. I, alas, would be woefully unable to quit "True Blood" even if I wanted to and the prospect of a returning Russell Edgington? I'm there. Also, maybe Steve Newlin will bring back Steve Newlin's Hot Wife...
Gotta hope!
Daniel
the minister "Ah cain't quit chew True Bluud."
September 13, 2011 at 9:39AM ESTWell, I can't quit reading recaps for the laughs anyway (especially Videogum Gabes),
but I'd fellate a .357 before I'd actually *watch* that pile of crap again.
neverthehero
September 12, 2011 at 2:19AM EST Reply to CommentDo you ever get a chance to interview Mr. Ball? I"m curious on why no one ever seems to call him out on the criticisms that you share. I'm sure someone at Comic-Con can once in awhile be like what is going on. I don't know though. I know it's hard to get interviews in general but I'd rather not see any interviews or press coverage about True Blood on this sight with out bringing up the issues that all the writers seem to have.
September 12, 2011 at 2:26AM ESThttp://www.hitfix.com/blogs/the-fien-print/posts/hitfix-interview-a-couple-questions-for-true-blood-creator-alan-ball
Not necessarily enlightening except for how unenlightening it is...
-Daniel
neverthehero Thanks, for some reason I think I actually read that interview! I do have to say that you asked him in a very professional way about so many characters but he didn't take it as a criticism at all. The perils of being a critic and an interviewer; you can't exactly bludgeon them over the head questions about your own issues with a show and expect them to continue talking to you. So kudos for doing your best to address issues within the context of still having to provide context for the site.
September 12, 2011 at 2:39AM ESTArtemis
September 12, 2011 at 2:20AM EST Reply to CommentI agree with everything written here. But I would like to add that I know who Britt Pollack is and I misee him dearly
September 12, 2011 at 2:31AM EST-Daniel
LJA Ditto. Britt. Hank. Sniff.
September 12, 2011 at 2:48AM ESTchi word
September 12, 2011 at 1:40PM EST
September 12, 2011 at 7:48PM ESTSusan I'm embarrassed (and surprised) to admit how much I enjoyed this season of True Blood, but I'd still rather have Britt back. Of course.
September 15, 2011 at 7:07AM ESTTravis
September 12, 2011 at 2:41AM EST Reply to CommentI agree with pretty much everything you said, but Terry's military buddy was Scott Foley, not Scott Wolf.
September 12, 2011 at 2:50AM EST-Daniel
Josh
September 12, 2011 at 2:49AM EST Reply to CommentIf you'd read the books you still wouldn't understand the Terry plotline and the "Ghosts" and his military buddy. Never happened. The books barely mention him other than as a cook at Merlots. I don't know if there's a term that means even less than "loosely based on" but feel free to invent one.
Julie I agree completely. Even though I couldn't stop watching the show if I tried, the books are way better. The story makes sense and is completed rather than just started, and everything sortof comes together in the end...
October 20, 2011 at 10:54AM ESTMulderism
September 12, 2011 at 2:51AM EST Reply to CommentI hope Pam gets cured and comes back. She's definitely a VILF.
Carrie I have this weird feeling Pam is the one who dug Russell out and they are going to team up against Eric/Bill. Pam is REALLY pissed at Eric.
September 12, 2011 at 9:26AM ESTOf course, this is actually interesting so it probably will never happen.
(Dan, I can't stop watching this, either, even though I swore I would. Sigh.)
Roy
September 12, 2011 at 3:13AM EST Reply to CommentFinally, at long last, Tara is dead. Hallelujah! Let's hope it's for good.
I don't think anybody expected for there to be high-fives all across America on the anniversary of Sept. 11th, but I'm sure there was.
Worst. Character. Ever.
Eric agreed!
September 12, 2011 at 11:51AM ESTLadybu99er
September 12, 2011 at 3:50AM EST Reply to CommentI agree with everything you just wrote. I was very disapointed by this season of TB. It started out so promising (my favorite thing was Tara as a lesbian cagefighter. grrr!) but slowly it turned into crap like it was touched by Midas' evil step brother or something.
Kristyal
September 12, 2011 at 4:27AM EST Reply to CommentThe books are so much better. !!! I can't really watch it because it's like they ripped whatever ideas out mixed them up totally rewrote it and came out with this crap !!!!
Greg No, the books are pretty much terrible too.
September 12, 2011 at 2:13PM ESTbearcouch
September 12, 2011 at 5:26AM EST Reply to CommentI thought coolbreeze was going to have more scenes. :(
What do you guys say, cop show with Scott Foley and Michael Raymond-James?
TVDIVA
September 12, 2011 at 9:26AM EST Reply to CommentI thought this was the best True Blood finale. But I thought the pacing was a bit off. I found myself looking at my watch 34 minutes into it and getting impatient. All the deaths were expected, so I was not surprised. We all knew Russell was coming back, so no surprise there. I was surprised to see the return of Steve Newlin as a vampire and to see Sookie finally grow up and kick her two vampire lovers to the curb. It looks like True Blood really cleaned house for Season 5. Bring it on.
James I'm guessing that it will turn out that he isn't a vampire at all and he was just dressed that way for Halloween.
September 12, 2011 at 7:38PM ESTJobin
September 12, 2011 at 10:37AM EST Reply to CommentWhat are the odds that Tara somehow comes back as a Zombie next season? I put it at 50/50.
Few Reasons:
1) Ball sure seemed to be foreshadowing with Arlene's "Zombie's are so in right now." And they are indeed popular right now.
2) They sure did kill off A LOT of extraneous (dead weight) characters this finale, even though Ball has had no problem letting the cast grow bigger each year.
3) Ball is running out of super-natural beings to introduce...seriously what is left at this point?
Matt As (not really) alluded to above, I hope next season brings leprechauns. Not the ones from Lucky Charms, but the evil Warwick Davis ones.
September 12, 2011 at 11:51AM ESTZombies would be cool too, as long as it isn't a Tara zombie, which would probably just be annoying.
Jobin Your lucky charms reference now made me think of Keebler Elves...another avenue for Ball to go.
September 12, 2011 at 1:19PM ESTDave P
September 12, 2011 at 11:49AM EST Reply to Comment40 mins into the finale? My gripe is why am I 12 episodes into the season before we get Jessica Riding Hood and her lingerie? That type of thing should have been happening early and often.
And are they adding ghosts to the cast of supernaturals hanging around this town? I live in LA, so I guess I should be happy that 793 actors in town get to have speaking roles and plotlines on this show, but seriously TB, let's kill more characters off and concentrate on the good stories, not add more to this mess. You've proven that you can't handle more stories.
I gotta admit I liked what they were setting up for next season in the last few minutes of the show. But I'm not coming back. I checked out on this show midway thru ep 3 and watched it only because I'm a completist. Now, if they Entourage me and tell me next season is the last season I guess I'll watch, but other than that they can't get me back into the tent. I like mindless fun entertainment as much as anybody, but they forgot the "fun" and "entertainment" parts this season
Eric
September 12, 2011 at 11:50AM EST Reply to Commentwow!
that was perfectly written. You summed my thoughts and feelings up, perfectly..
I dont like fantasy / supernatural shows to begin with, and I told myself to embrace the "campyness", but the onslaught of boring and non-interesting story lines got to be too much at some point.
Well said!
J Sho
September 12, 2011 at 2:47PM EST Reply to CommentI swear I could quit this show if there weren't so many shirtless Alexander Skarsgard scenes. :)
jtaylor
September 12, 2011 at 3:17PM EST Reply to CommentLittle Red Riding Jessica = Best thing ever!
Oh, and the show sucked this year. Fiona Shaw was laughable.
Tiffany
September 12, 2011 at 3:22PM EST Reply to CommentI don't know how those bad things relate to the arrival of Scott Foley as Terry's old military buddy, but I'm sure I would if I'd read the books.
No, you wouldn't. They barely glance at the books to get a basic outline and they throw it all out the window.
James
September 12, 2011 at 6:57PM EST Reply to CommentDon't the plot lines follow the books? I've never read them so I don't know. If the show writers are staying true to the books then shouldn't you fault the author for the story lines and not Alan Ball?
Artemis James, the show has barely followed the books apart from the big season arcs ie the witches this season and the werewolves last season. Everything else they seem to be making up as they go along. Lafayette dies in the first book, Bill is relegated to a bit player after the fist few books and entire new characters have been brought in.
September 12, 2011 at 11:59PM ESTGeorge P
September 12, 2011 at 10:56PM EST Reply to CommentTB is the perfect literal definition of a TV drug:
1) during a brief time you thought it wa good.
2) quickly discovered is bad, very bad.
3) even though you know you shouldnt be inflicting this poison upon yourself you keep following it.
4) you swear to God you are going to quit, but you never do.
5) people who care for you, and are not into it, dont see it's appeal and cant understand why you are doing this to yourself.
the saddest part could be that our "meetings".. blog's comment sections like this.. are more for still addicted rather than former addicts.
Julius
September 13, 2011 at 12:23PM EST Reply to CommentLittle Red Riding Jessica scene not so great.
True Blood shows a lot of nudity. The sky is blue. However, in all the love scenes with Jessica she's covering herself up. That's completely acceptable if it's a character decision, i.e. she's too shy to reveal herself. I doubt that that is the case. I suspect the actress is uncomfortable or unwilling to due nude scenes (which is also okay). What is not okay is for the show/director to film the scene(s) in such a manner that requires the actress to cover herself up in such a blatant manner. It only serves to remind the audience that this actress is uncomfortable with this scene, especially given the context of this show, really shouldn't happen.
jdevitt
September 13, 2011 at 3:10PM EST Reply to CommentYour comments are excellent. Brutally disappointed in this season - this was a show I happily used to escape reality and they've ruined it. I still love the books and can't believe they were to stupid not to stick to the books when it worked so well first season.
Harpyie.Selena
September 14, 2011 at 1:22AM EST Reply to CommentBad news : Tara will be back....I was sooo glad she got shot. Though this season was not as strong as season 3 I still love this show, I sincerely hope most of the unfinished plot-line will be continued and improved next season. I'm major disappointed in Sookie this year (how could she forgive Tara teaming up with the witches?) and the writing for Eric ( a thousand year old Viking can't be that lovesick that he wants to die for a waitress...next season I want to see him mean, selfish and vicious please). Pam gets better every year and I'm hoping for an intereting story around the so not-scary faeries (it's pretty good in the books). Looking forward to (hopefully) see Russell again, lots of potential, make it work!
floridaphil I thought it was obvious that Tara will return next season - as a vampire. Bill and Eric heard Sookie's cry for help, being attuned to her emotional distress as they are ("Sookie's in trouble!" they say, lloking at each other), rush to her house (1st changing out of those bathrobes? Let's hope so) and, after diagnosing Tara's terminal condition (something they've seen more than a few times before) they offer the only way for her to live on, so to speak. Sookie must choose for Tara, who comes back as a bad-ass vampire but who now hates Sookie for agreeing to her transformation.
September 15, 2011 at 6:45PM ESTAfter all the bad experiences Tara has had with vampires, it really seems like an obvious development that the character has been pointed to all along. I think Tara could be a great vampire character, the baddest of them all, and perhaps she'll embrace her new life and even not resent Sookie. Although with the way characters get mad/forgive/get mad again at each other on this show, maybe all of the above - in just one episode.
Craig Ranapia
September 14, 2011 at 6:58PM EST Reply to CommentI agree with you that there are too many bloody plots that go nowhere (or places you need a long, hot shower after visiting) but when was 'True Blood' not the television equivalent of a tweaking meth-head with ADHD? Like 'Glee', it's pretty obvious a lot of people don't care about incoherent story-telling and characterisation, but it's not as if this is exactly unusual for Alan Ball or Ryan Murphy.
Julie
October 20, 2011 at 10:48AM EST Reply to CommentHaha.. OMG, you are soo right! I mean, I just spent 4 days watching season 1-4 and even though I really like watching the show, and can't seem to let it go, there are so many things that just don't add up. And Tara truly is the most annoying character on TV - and she's barely even mentioned in the books (in which she's a white girl who doesn't live with her mother, and runs a successful clothing store)!
I know the show is mearly based on the books, but there are so many connections they fail to make, because they changed the story so much, and when they do, it makes no sense. Like with Alcide (who is gorgeous) - in the books they're pretty hung up on eachother when they hardly know eachother in the show, and still he wants to be with her... Now I just wonder - since so much has been changed, what will happen next? I mean, they still have to follow the books just a little, right??
And even though, as you so colorfully mentioned, there are several loose ends, I had quite a few laughs during this season compared to the previous three. Mainly because of Alexander Skarsgård. He is actually a pretty talented man, in many ways.
(Dang this got long - I really just found your review quite amusing!)