This is the sort of thing I usually do on my Twitter feed, but Ellwood thought there might be sufficient banality in an E! panel for "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" to be entertaining from a live-blogging standpoint. Perhaps due to Khloe's absence, the "Kardashians" panel may not have been as oppressive as I'd have hoped for.
But here's how it went...
2:18 p.m. PT Reporter from E! asks Kim Kardashian about her makeover. Apparently she has new bangs. She wants us all to note that Kourney has also cut her hair.
2:19 p.m. Apparently Kim's boyfriend Reggie [Bush] introduced Khloe Kardashian to Rashad McCants of the Timberwolves or "The basketball team in Minnesota," as Kim puts it. Rashad McCants is averaging a 9.6 ppg this year, four below what he averaged last season. Draw your own conclusions.
[More after the break]
2:20 p.m. Apparently they biggest thing Kim and Kourtney have learned is that they over-did the makeup in Season One and maybe under-did it in Season Three. It's a wise woman who can learn from her mistakes.
2:21 p.m. "I'm just happy that everybody can see what I've been going through all these years." - Bruce Jenner
2:22 p.m. "That's an excellent question," Bruce Jenner says in response to a query asking who these people are and why we'd want to keep up with them. Kim says the Kardashians represent a true blended family then she realizes that Bruce has had two kids with each of his wives. Mother Kris declares proudly, "You are so good at math!"
2:25 p.m. "Why wouldn't you wake up every day and your job is to hang our with your family?" asks Kim. Why wouldn't you, indeed?
2:26 p.m. "We're always egomaniacs, but we're definitely closer," Kris says. Thanks, reality TV. Bringing families together one at a time. Very slowly. Stay by the phone. Your blended family could be next. If your daughters look like Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. And your dad was the greatest athlete in the world 32 years ago.
2:28 p.m. "I don't read any of that stuff. I read golf magazines," says Bruce Jenner, who doesn't read the press. Kim does.
2:29 p.m. "I learned a lot about myself when it came to performing in front of a lot of people." Kim, explaining her "Dancing with the Stars" experience. It's true that sex tapes are performed in front of fewer people. "I love reality TV, but it was hard. Really hard."
2:30 p.m. Oh my. Somebody just brought up FOX's "Skating with Celebrities." Jenner, a veteran on said show, theorizes, "Every time you put yourself out there, you become a better person."
2:31 p.m. Khloe's arrest comes up. The critic in question refers to her time in the "pokie." Not the "hoosegow." Kris is proud that they did it all on TV.
2:32 p.m. "We all learned from Khloe's mistakes. We just booked our car service for tonight," Kourtney says. See? They're just like us.
2:33 p.m. Kim says that people are impressed that the Kardashians are more normal than they would have guessed. My question: Why did we ever have to know who they were in the first place?
2:35 p.m. Kris confirms that the Kardashians are moving.
2:36 p.m. "Reggie and I are doing really good. It's his off-season now," she says adding, "We have a really normal relationship." She loves Reggie very much and she's waiting for a ring.
2:37 p.m. Kim says Reggie Bush's favorite show is "Two and a Half Men." And now, to make things even more surreal, Bruce gets asked about his favorite memories of "C.H.I.P.S." He has several.
2:38 p.m. Kim plugs her website, where she likes to debunk rumors. Bruce says he reads the tabloids noting, "I find out about my family by reading the rags. Like 'Where's Brody today?'" And yes, I'm aware that it was less then 20 minutes ago that Bruce said he doesn't read the tabloids.
2:39 p.m. The answer, Bruce, for where Brody is today is "Looking for a friend on cable TV." You must be so proud.
2:40 p.m. "Brody's a great kid. We love Brody," Bruce says, after agreeing that it's sad that Brody needs to find friends on MTV.
2:42 p.m. "Reggie is an extremely private person. He hates being famous. He hates the paperazzi," Kim says. She suspects that when Reggie pops the question (HINT! HINT! HINT!) it might be in private.
2:43 p.m. Time to change rooms and get a cookie.