Wouldn’t it be funny if when Miley Cyrus turns 18 next month, she turned into this chaste thing who doesn’t feel the need to force her sexuality on anyone who comes within 100 yards?

In the video for “Who Owns My Heart,” the new single from the already DOA “Can’t Be Tamed” album,  little Miley is hangin’ in da club and writhing away in a limo one crotch shot away from being a Perez Hilton post with rude little drawings on it.

We see Miley in a doo rag getting ready to go out. She looks great. The girl has awesome, awesome legs and we see every inch of them....repeatedly.

In the club scenes she’s basically rubbing up against anyone who will let her-- guys, girls, guys and girls together in a Miley sandwich... it doesn’t matter.

The song has a very retro, ‘80s, Euro-disco feel--think Stacey Q’s “Two of Hearts.” In a different time, it would have been a huge radio hit and is one of the best tracks from “Can’t Be Tamed.”

We know we’re pretty harsh on Cyrus, but once she’s an adult, we can’t rag her for being a teenager-going-on-35, as she has ever since she pole-danced in the video for “Party in the U.S.A.” Maybe with the right to vote, she’ll also develop a sense of knowing that a little bit goes a long way and that sometimes the sexiest thing is to leave a little to the imagination.