Oh, yay, it's time to dwell on all the boring minutiae of Pandora's wedding. You know, I didn't like this stuff when I was getting married, and just because it's pukingly expensive here doesn't make it any less annoying. We watch Lisa and Pandora fawn over their gorgeous wedding invitations ($15,000! That's a NEW CAR for some people. Not a car Lisa would be caught dead in, but a car nonetheless). Fawning and seemingly useless wedding planner Kevin Lee endlessly chirps "million dollar wedding" and "fabulous" like a brain-damaged parakeet while Pandora and Lisa sample ridiculous drinks (it's infused vodka! And nitrogen! And martini glasses made out of the skulls of a rare and practically extinct species of mountain goat! It's fabulous!) While Lisa isn't entirely sold on the cocktails, Giggy gobbles up some of the food, so at least the catering gets a thumbs up. Kevin Lee, of course, thinks it's fabulous.
Finally, it's time for gossip. Pandora is not thrilled that Taylor and the rest of Lisa's frenemies will be attending the wedding. Pandora, crazy girl, does not want a battle at her wedding. This may be the first reasonable request Pandora has made since she got a ring on her finger. But Lisa assures Pandora everything will be fine… probably. If I were Pandora, I'd burn those pretty invitations and elope.
More mostly boring rich people indulgences! Adrienne meets with the design team from Isaay and Titan Industries to talk about her shoe line. Adrienne has always dreamed of having her own shoe line. Actually, it seems she's just dreamed of ripping off elements from the shoes in her closet, which to me mean she hasn't always dreamt of designing her own line (that would have inspired her to take a damn class), but she just wanted to make sure she had some shoes that had her name on them. Yes, she's a regular Christian Louboutin! Anyway, Adrienne will be hosting a fashion show for designer Kevan Hall to benefit the Step Up charity for young women, at which she will debut her very first shoe. Oh, goody, an opportunity for the housewives to come together and shriek at one another like rabid wildebeests!
Time for a therapy session! Russell and Taylor go to see Dr. Charles Sophy, who is described here as a doctor of osteopathy. Um, really, Bravo? He's also board certified in adult psychiatry. This might have a little more to do with why Russell and Taylor are seeing him, unless one of them has asthma or chronic inner ear infections. Anyway, they're there for therapy. Russell proudly tells Dr. Sophy that nothing has transpired between himself and Taylor that they can'y recover from as a couple. Oh, oh my. Dr. Sophy does not seem all that convinced, as he does not appear to be an idiot.
Dr. Sophy encourages Russell to think about why he wants to be mean and nasty to Taylor, adding that they both need to feel emotionally safe in the relationship. Russell stares at Dr. Sophy blankly while Taylor nods, probably wanting to add "and it would help if he didn't hit me, too." Taylor wants the hurt and heartache to be over. Oh, Taylor, they're just beginning. She tells Dr. Sophy she wants a clean slate. Well, she will get that soon enough. But not being psychic, Dr. Sophy says she's not getting one, and besides that, wanting one is immature. Despite Dr. Sophy's attempts to have a real session, it's all about as revealing and in-depth as your average Hallmark card, at least until Russell has to cut things short so he can go to a meeting. Because that's really the problem -- Russell doesn't make enough time for Taylor due to his heavy work schedule. It has nothing to do with him punching her in the face.
Brandi, Taylor and Kyle are supposed to get pedicures together, but Taylor flakes, maybe because she's having problems holding down food or covering up her bruises with foundation. Anyway, it ends up just being Kyle and Brandi, which is obviously not a thrill for Kyle. Presented with an opportunity for girl talk, Brandi tells her new bestie that she wants to have the girls over for an evening in Malibu. With a porn star. Who will teach them how to, ahem, provide oral sex to their men folk. Brandi thinks this is a cute, fun idea, sort of like getting matching Mommy and Me outfits or shopping for organic kale at the local farmers' market. Kyle is not convinced. She suggests Brandi keep thinking of cute ideas that are actually, well, cute.
It's time for Adrienne's big fashion show! Taylor will be attending with Russell, who just happened to have a break in his schedule. Lucky Taylor! She's had an epiphany -- telling her friends about her hellish marriage has made them not like Russell! Maybe she should stop doing that! Too late, Taylor. Taylor tries to bond with the robot that is her husband. She's worried about seeing Camille. He tells her to rise above. But she's hurt! Russell assures her she shouldn't be, since Camille is a horrible liar. What? Um, what did Taylor tell him about that fight? That Camille just repeated everything Taylor had said about him? I'm guessing not. The good news is that Taylor does not want to get into it with Camille that evening, as she wants to keep the focus on Adrienne. Smart.
Unfortunately, even Adrienne doesn't want to keep the focus on Adrienne. At the party, she pulls Lisa aside to tell her her feelings are hurt because Pandora is having her bachelorette at the Hard Rock. Lisa's sorry. She didn't want to impose. Adrienne doesn't care. She's hurt! Lisa's really, really sorry. Lisa has been apologizing a lot lately. But Adrienne is not appeased, because Lisa takes the opportunity to ask her why The Palms isn't stocking her wine. Adrienne just wanted groveling, silly Lisa!
While Taylor is apprehensive about seeing Camille, Camille is apprehensive about seeing Taylor. This is almost cute, really. Taylor is mortified when she bumps into Camille outside the women's bathroom (which is apparently a party inside -- yes, Adrienne's bathrooms are that big), but they manage to make some small talk which ends with Taylor threatening, I mean promising Camille they'll talk later -- but not later that night.
We see the super fabulous set-up for Adrienne's fashion show in her backyard, which would also be perfect for Pandora's wedding if Lisa and Adrienne weren't on the outs. I think Adrienne should host Occupy L.A. in her back yard, as it is looking for a new place to set up.
Russell and Taylor begin talking with a woman about Dr. Sophy. Russell proclaims he's fixed their marriage. They can't say enough good things about Dr. Sophy. Somewhere, Dr. Sophy is asking a lawyer about the technicalities of having his name changed.
Adrienne gives a speech, the Kevan Hall dresses are presented -- and we never see her damn shoe. Kevan Hall mostly designs red carpet gowns -- you know, long and flowing things that don't exactly spotlight footwear. It turns out Adrienne is wearing her shoe, but she clomps up the runway and clomps back without ever lifting her fabulous gown to show them off. She didn't want to be tacky. But it doesn't matter -- she shows them off to her friends and several million television viewers, and a demand for crazy high glittery pumps is made.
It was, all in all, a fairly sedate episode -- but next week looks like anything but. Taylor is screaming and hitting, Brandi is screaming, Kyle is screaming and restraining screaming women. It's like an MMA fight but with very thin, very wealthy women using Restylane lip injections instead of mouth guards. I can't imagine what causes this total meltdown, but it's always something.
Do you think Adrienne should have confronted Lisa? Do you think Adrienne should have shown off her shoes? And what do you think leads to next week's big fight?