Recap: 'The Bachelor' picks his gal in a 'controversial' finale
If the supermarket tabloids are any indication, I've gotten a pretty strong hint about who Ben picks, but hey, you never know with these reality shows. In any case, I'm not overly sure I care too much. Ben has been a uniquely dull bachelor, and I have to think that whoever gets the proposal at the end of the show will wake up the next day, shake her head and say, oh my Lord, I just got engaged to the Geico caveman as voiced by Kermit the Frog.
Anyway, this final episode kicks off with Ben's sister Julia and his mom Barbara heading off to Switzerland to meet the women competing for Ben's heart. Well, let's hope they can see through Widdle Baybee Cowdney's weird baby talking and evil inclinations. I mean, how will she be able to contain her distaste for all women long enough to manipulate them the way she's manipulated Ben, right?
Lindzi is the first to run the familial gauntlet. She feels this is her only chance to tell them she's in love with Ben. Well, probably. Lindzi sits down to lunch and begins dropping forks. She also holds her wine glass like it's a beer. I fear this may be a bigger black mark against Lindzi than anything else. Don't hold it like you're going to use it as a weapon, Lindzi! Anyway, Lindzi tells Barbara that her son is amazing and she'd be so honored to be picked. Barbara nods with a Buddha-like calm or maybe she's just on tranquilizers.
Julia pulls Lindzi aside, because she is going to ask tough questions. She tells Lindzi Ben needs her to be more open. Lindzi agrees. Julia wants to know about Courtney. Lindzi says Courtney is very… different. She didn't try to make friends. Julia says it's a red flag. Julia tells Lindzi she'd be very, very happy if her brother picked her. They hug. Green flag!
Once Lindzi's gone, it's time for the Flajnik family po wow. Julia tells Ben she liked Lindzi a lot. Barbara thinks Lindzi is the total package, and she likes her.
Next, though, they get to analyze Courtney. Julia and Barbara are completely grossed out that Courtney is a model. Julia sees big red flags in Courtney's inability to be nice to other women. This is promising!
Widdle Baybee Cowdney arrives, and she is so nervous! She tells Ben she'll be on her best behavior. I have no doubt, because anything less is pretty awful.
Things don't seem to start off so well with Courtney, Julia and Barbara. Barbara asks Widdle Baybee about being a model. She says the other girls didn't like her! They were mean, and she was mean back, but they started it! Yes, Courtney is all about taking personal responsibility for being a bitch.
Julia's turn to talk to Courtney. Courtney tells her that she made an effort from day one to bond with the women. But she was constantly defending herself. Julia hopes she can trust her word. Psst, Julia? Don't.
Courtney tells Barbara her relationship is just like a fairy tale. Red flag!
Julia tells Ben she thinks Courtney is a really amazing girl. She thought she was sweet. What? She gives Ben her approval. I am wondering if Barbara and Julia are swapping tranquilizers. I had such high hopes for their bitch detection abilities!
Barbara thinks Ben seems to be in love with Courtney, and she believes Courtney loves him. Wow, Courtney must be so proud. Did she snow them! Winning!
More Flajnik family discussion. Barbara thinks Lindzi is a lovely girl, and Julia concurs. Ben wonders if the slow burn he has with Lindzi would be better in the long run. Julia and Barbara saw a lot of depth to Courtney. Really? It certainly hasn't shown up on a full season of the show. Julia thinks Courtney is more of what Ben wants.
Lindzi is so looking forward to her final date with Ben! They could spend the rest of their lives together! Has she seen this show? That almost never happens. Anyway, they have a horse and carriage ride through Zermatt. Then, they go skiing. Which Lindzi doesn't know how to do. But she can't wait! Oh, I hope this doesn't end in broken bones.
Their gondola pauses over the mountain. Ben and Lindzi talk about their relationship. Ben has imagined a future with her. He's loving being in the Swiss Alps with her. She's so excited! She doesn't want to hold anything back!
Lindzi admits to Ben that her sense of humor gets her through life. She wants to make Ben happy. She wants to tell him that she loves him. Ben wants to tell her he loves her right back, but he knows it wouldn't be fair.
Courtney's turn. She's not worried about Lindzi, because she knows Ben has depth and she doesn't think Lindzi does. And Courtney is deep? Deeply disturbed? Deeply mean? What?
They climb into a helicopter and fly over the Matterhorn. Courtney pretends to be as excited about this as Ben is. Then, they go to a lake and Ben cooks things over a hibachi. Ben tells Courtney she got the mom/sis stamp of approval. Courtney is so glad, because he's worth it. Winning! They make snow angels, and Ben thinks Courtney is SO great because she makes him feel like a kid. Because she ACTS like a kid. In a creepy way. Yes, I think they deserve one another.
Ben is head over heels in love with two women. What will he do? Oh, come on. At this point, he knows what he needs to do, which is parrot everything the producers tell him to say - pretend you're conflicted! It's good for the show!
That evening, Ben goes to Courtney's hotel room. She tells him she's never felt this way before, and it's SO vewy scawy! She gives him a gift. It's a photo book of their finest moments. Remember when Blakeley tried to give him a collage and it made him run screaming from the room? Guess it depends on the person. Courtney also gives him a mushy card. I will say she has very neat handwriting.
Courtney is feeling defensive. She's been through so much. And she feels he questions her. Well, she should. She's worried he may not have gotten over everything that happened with the girls! Her heart hurts just thinking he might dump her. Courtney is not only mean, she's needy. What a catch!
Because this is a two hour show, we have to spend a lot of time listening to Courtney, Lindzi and Ben say the same old crap everyone says in the last half hour of the finale every season. No one wants to get their heart broken, everyone's excited, blah blah blah.
Neil Lane comes to Switzerland to help Ben pick the engagement ring. Ben is feeling confident now, as he's made his decision. Yeah, he probably made his decision weeks ago, but we're not supposed to know that.
The helicopter arrives… and it's Lindzi. Duh. She's confident she could spend the rest of her life with Ben! Except he doesn't want her. Poor Lindzi, but getting dumped by Ben is probably the best thing that could ever happen to her.
Lindzi starts babbling. She loves him! He's great! Shut UP, Lindzi! Ben starts talking, and I wish he'd just cut to the chase. He tells her he's fallen in love with her, but… he's in love with someone else.
He walks Lindzi out. He's so sorry -- he was shaking! Lindzi comforts HIM. And then apologizes for not being open enough with him. AND THEN tells him to call her if he and Courtney break up. WHAT?
Time for Courtney's helicopter ride. Courtney declares that she's a good person, and good things happen to good people. Good? Seriously?
Anyway, Ben says he thinks she's an incredible woman. BUT he decided he'd never propose again unless he was certain it was forever. And he is certain. He proposes. She accepts. They will love one another forever. Or at least until she has a crack at being the next bachelorette.
I have to say, I'm a little interested to see the "After the Final Rose" special after this. Because if Ben isn't feeling a whole hella lot of stupid right now (and looking for Lindzi's phone number to boot), he absolutely deserves Widdle Baybee Cowdney.
What did you think of Ben's decision? Were you surprised or did you see it coming?
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