Yikes. After the epic brawls on Part One of the three-part reunion, this follow-up hour felt like a bunch of childish whining, even before Marlo came out to embarrass herself all over again.
But Andy did finally raise the Africa controversy, with sadly predictable results.
This entire episode was upstaged by Sheree's bombshell announcement this week that she won't be returning for season five. After tonight, it seems like that's for the best.
Peter has his say
Our intrepid host, Andy Cohen, jumped right into the topic of Cynthia's marriage and her relationship with sister Mallory. Who better to join in the fun than Cynthia's husband Peter Thomas?
Nene, surprise surprise, is very happy to see him.
Among the highlights:
— "I went home. I was tired. It wasn't about me, it was her." - Peter on his decision to make an early exit from Cynthia's launch party
— "I don't know what you saw, but Mal was definitely crossing the line in every way." - Cynthia on why she didn't take her sister's side at the anniversary party. But Cynthia makes it clear that they're still sisters and they'll move past it.
— "I really don't know what her issues are. I was just having fun with it." - Peter on his "friends, family and Mallory" toast
— "No one can predict what's gonna happen between me and Peter." - Cynthia responding to a viewer comment predicting she and Peter will break up
— "The camera's on me for eight hours and you show three minutes of it, you don't show those other seven hours and fifty-seven minutes." - Peter explaining that he loves Cynthia deeply, no matter what we see on the show.
— Nene thinks Mal needs to "pull back," and she thinks Cynthia and Peter are "very in love. I don't know why anyone would think they are not."
— Nene is offended at Andy's suggestion she was flirting with Peter on camera, especially last season. She turns it around and says "The Smalls" were spreading lies about her and Peter. But Phaedra makes it clear she never did. And Sheree says everybody saw some playful flirting, so who cares?
— Peter doesn't mind that Phaedra called him Papa Smurf, because Papa Smurf's "got paper."
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Kroy and Apollo drop in to join the party, but they can't match Peter for drama or controversy.
— Kroy had never seen the show before meeting Kim. He was immediately attracted to her because "she was a playful, fun, vibrant person that I wanted to get to know." He didn't even Google Kim while they were dating. He wanted to give their relationship a "fresh plate" from the start.
— Apollo says Phaedra has always been there and supportive of him, no matter how upset he looked after he was pulled over by police early in the season and false reports of his arrest turned up online. Also, he's there for Phaedra on a "financial side" with the funeral business but he's "not gonna jump in a casket."
— A minor rehash of Apollo and Peter's showdown at Kim's baby shower reveals that Phaedra thought Apollo was being a good husband and defending her honor. It was the first time she'd seen Peter since the interview was published with his nasty comments about the Housewives. Cynthia and Peter point out that that interview was five months old at the time of Kim's shower and Phaedra could've called them and dealt with it beforehand. Why Phaedra would want to talk to them without Bravo forcing her is not addressed.
— Surprisingly, when it comes to the subject of Nene and Kim's fractured friendship, Kroy is "always gonna back Kim 1000%." (Nene must think he's a "hater.")
— Apollo likes Phaedra's donkey booty. And Phaedra has no plans for a donkey booty clothing line (clothing lines are "overdone"). She's more interested in a donkey booty workout tape.
— Andy can't resist asking Kroy about his butt, and a slightly sheepish Kroy explains, "I've spent years maybe firming it and working it." Kim looks so proud.
Finally, something juicy. Andy starts by asking if Kim and Kandi's friendship survived reliving the Africa controversy when the episodes actually aired.
"Anytime you watch the show you're going to be irritated by things you've already gotten past," Kandi explains. But what really bothered her was Kim's discussion with her friend Kendra when Kim referenced taking care of Kandi's daughter Riley after Kandi's fiance AJ was killed.
Kim tries to explain that no one was actually comparing Riley to an orphan, she was just trying to convey how close she thought their relationship was. The irony of someone letting emotions overwhelm their understanding of an innocent comment is entirely lost on Kim.
Kim launches in to her side of things by dismissing Cynthia's comments ("she doesn't know me") and explaining that what really hurt was seeing Kandi agree that Kim wouldn't go to Africa or the orphanage.
Kandi explains very, very clearly why she said what she said. It wasn't a racial thing, it had nothing to do with "black babies" or "African babies." Kim simply doesn't like going places. She doesn't like long flights. She never would've joined them in Africa. She would've made an excuse. Therefore she never would've gone to the orphanage.
Sheree jumps in and apologizes for "misinterpreting" what Kandi said. She admits that Kandi never said "black baby" (and neither did Cynthia), but tries to rationalize her behavior by saying she couldn't imagine how Kim would feel watching their conversation on TV.
Cynthia asks why Sheree didn't say anything at the time and Phaedra says she never saw Sheree upset about the discussion as it was happening. Sheree just tries to defend herself some more.
Never one to miss an opportunity, Andy throws the question to Nene: Would Kim go to Africa? Nene says she can't imagine Kim going to Africa either but "it's not a race thing, it's a Kim thing." Kim agrees she doesn't like long flights. (Which is almost the entirety of what Kandi was saying, but whatever...)
By the way, has Kim ever paid Kandi those royalties from "Tardy For the Party"? Apparently not, but Kandi realized long ago that Kim usually blows up before she even finds out all the information about a situation. And Kandi doesn't really hold a grudge against Sheree for playing the tattletale to Kim. This is the only time she's ever really had a problem with Sheree. (But maybe once should be enough in this case, Kandi.)
According to Andy, Phaedra gave the term "pimp my funeral" new meaning this season. (I'm not sure what the old meaning was, but OK.)
We get an update on Phaedra's endeavors. She's in mortuary science school, which will take 18 months. She's been in secondary position during the embalming a body. "Some people don't have the stomach for it, but I see it as an art to a certain extent," Phaedra says.
She confesses to a love of "over the top things," explaining that her eccentricities come out when she's involved in functions (like Ayden's christening) and funerals.
— Apollo's asset recovery job does not make him a repo man. Apparently he tries to help people recover lost funds, like uncashed checks or unclaimed inheritances.
— Both of Phaedra's parents are ministers and her father thinks the show is "not always representative of appropriate behavior." Still, he doesn't have a problem with what she does on the show, except maybe that whole riDICKulous business.
— When she started her law firm she was looking for a niche market. Adult entertainers fell into that niche. She's happy to have monetized working with "unacceptable" folks.
— Phaedra's feelings on Nene: "We're amicable. I've never had a problem with Nene. She's a hustler, she's always working and I'm happy for her."
Everything took a turn for the worse in the final act when "Housewives" wannabe Marlo Hampton crashed the party to stir up trouble.
— Marlo claims that before the show she knew Sheree from the salon (Lawrence does hair for both of them), and Phaedra befriended her at the gym. Then once she became friends with Nene, "The Smalls" didn't want her around.
— Marlo is not dating Ted Turner, but she is good friends with his girlfriend and daughter
— Andy asks why Marlo gets upset when people talk about her criminal record, but when she gets in a fight she'll yell out "You better check my charges!" Marlo's response: "I'm still working on my etiquette."
— And then, in a desperate attempt for attention, Marlo attacks Kim over who is the biggest golddigger and the most...er...promiscuous. Her big, obviously scripted, line: "Kim, I feel like you and I are cut from the same cloth. Know what? I take that back. You're a whore."
Oh, snap? More like oh, yawn... but Kim takes the bait anyway.
Marlo goes on about how Kim "ruined a happy home" when she was with Big Poppa (Kim says she didn't), and how Kim is a whore (she says she's not) and an escort (Kim says she's not, but Marlo is).
Marlo's big insult: "Measure your hole before you talk about mine."
I guess I'll give Marlo this much: It takes a lot to stand out as the most utterly trashy, clueless and fake person on this show. And no one does it better than her.
To be continued in the final hour this Sunday...
Were you satisfied with Kandi's explanation of what happened in Africa? Do you think Peter enjoys being on the show even more than Cynthia? And why didn't anyone give Marlo the wrong date, time and location for the reunion?
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