"Project Runway All Stars"

Credit: Lifetime Television

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The finale begins! Although it's a little disappointing that not a single woman made it to the end and at least one designer seems determined to make "sexy" outfits that only look good on skinny 15-year-old boys and professional models, I'm still interested to see what this episode holds. I'm hoping that someone can slip Mondo some antidepressants or maybe a bottle of vodka, because if his bad mood doesn't lift soon it's going to be awfully hard to root for him. Funny or not, for the last few episodes he's really been a pain in the ass.  

The remaining three get a visit from Angela Coathanger, who notices that Austin has shaved off his mustache. I think he looks fine, but Mondo thinks he went from Errol Flynn to Kermit the Frog. Again, funny, but Mondo is veering dangerously close to mean girl territory. 

Georgina and Isaac come out to announce the challenge, which is pretty straightforward. The designers must create five looks in four days. They also get $3,000 to shop at Mood. This suggests there will be a terrible twist later in the show, because nothing is ever that simple on "Project Runway." 

We also learn that Joanna Coles has invited the boys to her workroom at Marie Claire. They're so excited! It's in a big building! There's an escalator! Michael feels like Joanna Coles going up the escalator! Wow, there are probably cubicles and staplers and everything! I think they're seated in the lunchroom or something, because it's definitely not that glamorous. 

The guys have to wait and wait and WAIT for Joanna. But it's worth it, because they need to hear about how well they are or are not designing for a woman's bra. Kidding, sort of. Mondo asks how to walk the line between the theatrics and wearability. She says the crazy stuff isn't essential. Michael asks her what she's looking for. Themes. I think we've learned absolutely nothing other than that Marie Claire has relatively nice offices, so it's time to go sketch, boys!

After they sketch, they head off to Mood. Mondo isn't feeling it. Clearly, no one has slipped Mondo any antidepressants. Austin, however, is all about feeling it. He is designing for a woman who's a bit like the subject of a Fragonard painting, a bit like modern day rock star, and mixed up with a Hassidic gentleman. Oh, oh my. Michael, who isn't that complicated, is digging some African safari fabric. Which he can probably drape. Into caftans. 

The boys return to the workroom and discover they now each have their own petite atelier. Austin tries to talk to Mondo, which is a terrible idea, as Mondo informs him the thing he's most excited about is having his own DOOR. To shut in Austin's FACE. Luckily, Mondo skulks out of the room to be snotty and pouty all on his own. Mondo wants to quit. He's frustrated. He doesn't like the fabrics he picked. Mondo wants his blanky. 

Michael, on the other hand, is designing for a woman going on a crusade with Indiana Jones. And who weighs 98 pounds. But back to Mondo. Why aren't we done with Mondo, really? I get it, he's depressed. And bitchy. Mondo feels dead inside. Mondo is even snotty to his good friend MIchael, which just tells you what a pill he's being. 

Suddenly, Mondo hears a voice. Luckily it's not in his head; it's just Georgina dropping by to offer advice. Georgina likes to see a vision on the runway. She likes to be excited. Mondo is tired of people expecting things from him. Georgina is surprisingly sympathetic to his Grinchiness. Georgina used to have sleepless nights and breakdowns, but she doesn't anymore. Mondo should be inspired, but he's really only inspired to sit on the couch and sulk. 

At the end of the days, the guys go out to dinner. Mondo does not want to be there. He doesn't want to make small talk. And when he's done, he books out of there without even having dessert. 

But as usual, all this suffering results in good things for Mondo. Having realized how badly he needs therapy, he decides to make that the theme of his collection. Rorschach ink blots for everyone!

That doesn't mean that all is well in the workroom, however. It's time to audition models, and Austin takes the lead. He actually asks a model to put on a skirt. Mondo is PISSED. It's all about Austin! Is it? Because I was thinking it was all about Mondo lately. 

Isaac comes to visit. Is it me or are all the little time wasting visits from judges becoming annoying? Mondo has a little man crush on Isaac, which at least means he'll be nice to someone. Isaac tells them to have the balls to not listen to anyone else and just be big and fabulous. Why is this a two part finale, by the way? 

The designers bitch about one another. Austin designs for real women. He notes Michael doesn't. I'm with Austin. I don't care if he's making big, crazy gowns for Hassidic men, at least they won't be cut to the navel.

Angela Coathanger comes to visit. There's a twist! The designers need to make one more look. And they have to use fabric discarded during one of their previous challenges to do it. But good news, they get to pick an eliminated designer to help them. Mondo picks Mila. Austin picks Anthony. Michael picks April. Mondo seems incredibly put out that he has to deal with someone HELPING him. Ironically, Mila seems perfectly fine helping Mondo, which I'm not sure she would be were it anyone else. But then, he isn't a bitch to her, at least not that we see. 

There's lots of cutting and sewing and OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS A TWO PART FINALE? We're not going to see much of anything in this episode, but we did get a heaping helping of useless blather from Joanna, Georgina and Isaac. And some bitching by the designers. Really, Lifetime, not cool. 

Finally, Joanna sends the 24 hour helpers away, then she talks to the designers and says pretty much nothing. AS USUAL. We wrap things up with each designer explaining why they really want to win, not that it matters, but they all want to win. We've seen snippets of their designs (some of which do look super fabulous), but not much else. No, this was a completely useless episode, unless you just like watching people cut fabric. Next week, "Project Runway All Stars" better deliver -- and we can only hope Mondo cheers the hell up, because I'm feeling about as grouchy after this episode as he appeared to be. 

Liane Bonin Starr
Sr. Editor

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Liane Bonin Starr is an author, screenwriter and former writer for EW.com. Her byline has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, Variety and a lot of other places. Her last book was called "a scandalously catty, guilty pleasure" by Jane magazine. Expect the same from Starr Raving.