Remember when we used to have the model-themed spin-off of "Project Runway"? And how we spent agonizing minutes watching the designers pick which model they wanted for their very own each week? Aren't you glad that's become a distant memory? Nothing against the models, but it was just one of many time sucks on a show filled with them. Now, if Lifetime could just find a way to get money from L'Oreal and Garnier Fructis without  having to drag us into the hair and make-up room each week, we'd be golden. Anyway, let's get to the show, which promises to have lots of fighting, as it's a team challenge PLUS Bert's still in the competition. Let the games begin!

 
The designers wake up to discover they have presents waiting for them. Of course, the surprises on "Project Runway" are rarely good ones, and the designers discover they must wear T-shirts and running shorts to meet Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum at the New Balance Track & Field Center. Let's just say that some designers look cuter in workout gear than others. 
 
Heidi is very excited about this challenge, because it's a way for her to plug her line of shoes and apparel for New Balance PLUS get a few designs to sell. But there is one designer wearing a frowny face. Cecilia is so angry that the judges sent Julie home. Um, okay. I understand feeling sad or disappointed, but angry? 
 
Heidi explains that the designers will be divided up into four teams of three, and each team will have a captain. No one wants to work with Bert. Bert doesn't want to work with anyone. I see tension already! All of the designers must run around the track once, and the first four people to cross the finish line will be the team captains. So, fitness counts in fashion. Who knew?
 
But wait! There's drama. Cecilia tells Tim she's unhappy. She hates this. Heidi tells her that if she wants to go, she should go. Don't look to Heidi to sugar coat anything or plead with you to reconsider, Cecilia. Anthony Ryan thinks she's an idiot. I do, too. Cecilia feels she's taken a long time to become the woman she wants to be and she won't change that for anyone. I don't see what that has to do with anything, but it doesn't matter. Cecilia's leaving. I find it very odd that the person who seemed so keyed up to go to war and win the competition just quits because her best friend got the boot.  
 
Time to race! The designers haul ass. Olivier trips and falls, losing his shot at team captain. Josh M. comes in first, followed by Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Viktor. Bert is dead last. Heidi helpfully jogs the last few feet with him, which is meant to be fun but probably makes him feel even more like a fat old man. Not that I have a lot of sympathy for Bert these days. 
 
A paramedic examines Olivier's skinned knee, which looks bad. But then Olivier appears to pass out and, for a moment, looks dead. He later says he had a panic attack. While that's unfortunate, that's definitely better than the massive stroke it appeared to be. 
 
The team captains pick their designers. Josh snags Anya, Bryce picks Kimberly and Anthony Ryan wants Laura. Viktor wants panic attack survivor Olivier. For the next round, Josh picks Becky, Bryce gets Danielle and poor Anthony is stuck with Bert. Viktor only gets one team member thanks to Cecilia? Of course not! Viktor gets to bring back any eliminated designer he'd like. His choice? Josh C. Huh. As I recall, Josh C. was an emotional mess, although he did get eliminated unfairly. Well, this will be interesting at least. 
 
The teams must design three looks to go with Heidi's sneakers, which are made with denim and suede. The winning looks will become part of her line for New Balance. 
 
With just a half hour before the designers head to Mood, the teams must brainstorm. Becky knows her athletic wear. She can do this! But her team hates her ideas. It's almost funny (I do say almost) to see Becky make a suggestion only for Josh M. to swat it down before she even completes her sentence. Josh M. needs Becky to sew. He doesn't want her to think. Wow, I've never been a Josh M. booster but I think I'm beginning to hate him a little. Meanwhile, Bert's team hates his ideas, but we could have expected that. 
 
Josh C. is so happy to be back! He's giggling a little hysterically, which makes me wonder if Viktor made a smart choice. But I will give Josh C. props for calling Heidi the Klum of Doom. And said Klum of Doom pops in to see what the designers are working on after their trip to Mood. 
 
Bryce tells Heidi he wants to make a cowl neck. What is it with Bryce and cowl necks? Heidi hates the idea, shockingly enough. Bryce really has to learn some new necklines. 
 
Heidi is not impressed with what Olivier has made, which is a frumpy floor-length skirt made from sweatshirt material. Olivier is sure he can make it look fabulous on a model. Olivier, she doesn't like it! Start over!
 
Heidi also slams Team Anthony's designs for being too dressy. Bert doesn't care. He likes his dress. Laura and Anthony Ryan start spinning around, desperate to come up with some new designs. 
 
Heidi rightly points out that Josh M. keeps making the SAME DAMN DRESS. Does Josh M. not see this? Tim, who's along for the ride, points out that, if Becky is trivialized as a walking, talking sewing machine, she could be thrown under the bus. This had not occurred to Becky, who's basically doing all the grunt work for her team and could easily get panned for not "contributing." Josh M., of course, doesn't care.
 
Heidi thinks the designers need more time, so she lets them work until 4a.m. I'm not sure that's much of a reward, because sleep deprivation doesn't usually result in straight seams. 
 
As the day progresses, tensions build in the workroom. Josh M. tells Becky she makes dowdy dresses. Becky tearfully storms out of the room. Josh M. points out to Anya that Becky's demographic is 40 to death. Okay, that's funny. Mean and heartless, but funny. But the fighting doesn't stop there. Josh KEEPS HAMMERING on Becky. He tells her dowdy isn't an insult. Not being simple-minded, she informs him that there's absolutely no way in hell to make dowdy a compliment. Well, that concludes Josh M.'s attempts to be nice. He tells her he's not going to console her as if she's going to be a baby. He tells her to take a nap. Jeez, Josh M., don't be a creep. Becky goes into the bathroom and cries. Poor Anya keeps fluttering around like an exotic moth, trying to comfort Becky without ticking off Josh M. Finally, Josh M. apologizes, and they have a group hug In the women's bathroom stall. Aw… and yet, yuck.
 
Two-thirds of Team Anthony does not like Bert's design. Bert doesn't care. Things are going great on Team Anthony! Bert can't confine himself to ticking off his own team, so he takes a sewing machine Josh M. had been using. Josh M. yells at Bert. Bert calls him a self-centered prick. Really, I think Josh M.'s suggestion that Becky take a nap might be a good idea for everyone.
 
Finally, somehow, the designers get it together without killing one another and head off for the runway. Our judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and model/designer Erin Wasson.
 
Team Viktor
 
First Look - Viktor
I LOVE the motorcycle jacket. But, although I know what they were going for with the dress, it looks a little Raggedy Ann hausfrau. 
 
Second Look - Josh C.
This is only okay. The holster detail in the back is nice, though.
 
Third Look - Olivier
The top is solid, but I'm still thinking the skirt is Laura Ingalls Wilder frumpy. I'm disappointed in Olivier. Maybe he hit his head when he fell on the track. 
 
Team Bryce
 
First Look - Bryce
This is Bryce? It's actually a nice little dress. I like the snap detailing. Color me shocked. 
 
Second Look - Kimberly
Another great jacket. But the shorts aren't working. And it's very black on black on black. 
 
Third Look - Danielle
Danielle loves her crazy colors, and she really shouldn't. This looks saggy, like every other top she's designed. And no one else is using the blue in this collection. Hasn't she noticed that the judges hate her blouses?
 
Team Anthony
 
First Look - Anthony
Hey, look! Shortie pajamas! Too blousy, too baggy, too blah. And they seem to be bunching up between her legs. Blech.
 
Second Look - Laura
This looks slapdash. The vest is nice, but it appears to go with another outfit. 
 
Third Look - Bert
Ironically, Bert's look is the most successful. Yes, it may be a little dressy for sneakers, but at least it's cute. 
 
Team Josh M.
 
First Look - Josh M.
I like the vest, although I'd like to take a closer look at it. It could be great or it could be ridiculous (hey, "Project Runway," have you ever considered turning on a light in the studio and ditching the navy blue draping all over the place? It's really hard to see the clothing), but I'm inclined to think great. 
 
Second Look - Becky
The skirt's fine and the top's, well, okay -- separately. Together, they're a mess. 
 
Third Look - Anya
Whatever fabric the stripe is made from, it's too heavy for the jersey dress. And the zipper in back looks too heavy, too. That being said, it's a great dress. The collection is surprisingly cohesive, given all the fighting. 
 
Heidi declares, because the designs were such a mishmash, there will be no winning or losing team -- so it's time to zero in on who made the crap and who made the cute stuff.
 
First up are Team Josh M. and Team Anthony Ryan. 
 
Anthony Ryan, Bert and Laura get into a massive fight -- before the judges even explain whose outfits they like or dislike. Bad idea, kids! Anthony Ryan keeps blabbering about how he and Laura tried to talk sense into Bert but he wasn't having it. To his credit, Bert isn't taking any guff off these whippersnappers (and given how crappy their looks are, I can't blame him) and claims he tried to play nice with them but they just wanted to give orders. 
 
Finally, the judges call a stop to the screaming. Nina points out that Anthony's outfit looks like pajamas. Michael says the model has camel toe in big shorts. Heidi points out that Bert's look is the ONLY good one in their collection. Anthony Ryan and Laura seem completely shocked by this. Really? Anthony Ryan does have a fever, though, so he may not be thinking clearly. At least hie does acknowledge that his look is awful. 
 
On to Josh M. Heidi feels they used the extra time to bedazzle their clothes. I really hope Josh M. is listening, because the judges say this to him almost every week. Heidi's favorite is Anya's look. She thinks it's sexy and now. Erin thinks the fit is beautiful. What bothers Michael is that it looks too tailored. What bothers me is that the zipper looks like it's going to tear a hole in the dress after three wearings. Heidi doesn't like the shredded vest, but Nina likes it. However, she hates Becky's look and thinks it's too short and too tight. Becky agrees. And then it's time for Team Josh M. to start getting into it! Josh M. calls Becky dowdy. Becky feels she was picked as a seamstress. Michael gives them props for at least having a semi-cohesive collection, and that stops the whole mess from devolving into fisticuffs. 
 
Backstage, Bert and Anthony Ryan are still fighting. Anthony Ryan tells Bert he's tried to be nice to him and tried to include him, but Bert isn't interested in making nice. He says he doesn't click with Anthony Ryan and Laura. Sigh. Bert doesn't seem to click with anyone. Anthony Ryan does look pretty sick. 
 
Next, Team Viktor. Heidi's favorite look is Viktor's. Everyone loves that jacket. But Heidi still hates Olivier's dress. Michael says it's "Sound of Music." I'm wondering if Olivier will learn from this experience -- if a judge tells you it isn't working when you still have time to fix it, FIX IT. 
 
We move on to Team Bryce. Michael loves Bryce's dress. He thinks it works with the sneakers. But he thinks the other two looks don't seem as if one designer made them. Michael hates Danielle's ugly top. He thinks it's sloppy. Heidi points out she keeps making the same ugly ass top every week. So true! And always in the same icky colors! Heidi likes Kimberly's jacket, but doesn't like it paired with shorts. 
 
Time for the judges to confer. Heidi asks the guest judge Erin what her least favorite look was. She picks Anthony Ryan's. The Klum of Doom is ready to kick Fever Boy out on his butt, but Nina and Michael thinks he has potential. Heidi argues that she thinks the show is supposed to eliminate the worst design of the week, not look at the designer's body of work. See, even Heidi doesn't really understand how the judges do things, and she is a judge. I think Nina wants to boot Danielle. Michael hates her little "rag" top, so I'm guessing he's on board with that plan. 
 
Heidi declares she's going to mix things up. So she tells Viktor he's the winner of the challenge, and then she tells Josh M. he's also the winner. She'll be selling Viktor's dress and Anya's maxidress. 
 
Bert is… in. Laura is… in. Kimberly is… in. Bryce is… in. And that leaves Anthony Ryan and Danielle. 
 
Anthony Ryan is… in. Heidi tells him, if it was up to her alone, he'd be gone. Bye, Danielle. Tim tells everyone he has such admiration for their truth-telling on the runway. So, Tim admires yelling and finger pointing? Okay. Danielle doesn't think her look was the worst, and she thinks she's a great designer. Danielle? Seriously, someone take away her scissors. 

Do you think Viktor made the right choice bringing back Josh C.? Are you Team Bert or Team Anthony Ryan? And do you think Danielle's a great designer?