We lost Metta World Peace last week, and there are countless lame jokes to be made about this, but really, I'd rather get on to the dancing. It's a quickstep and jive week, and these are always demanding dances for beginners, especially when some of those beginners are shaped like Weebles or are woefully uncoordinated. I'm sure we're going to see some tempers flare (and lots and lots of ice packs), but I'm hoping we see some stars rise to the (considerable) challenge. 

Hope and Maks
You’d think all that fancy footwork on the soccer field would be a huge asset in learning the jive, but not exactly. It’s as if everything she’s mastered is exactly wrong for dancing. Dammit!
 
I give her big points for enthusiasm. But some of her steps seem a little slow, as if she has to concentrate on remembering she’s not on a soccer field. Also, her upper body seems tight. You can tell she didn’t have enough time to get this down completely, but I still have high hopes for, um, Hope.
 
Len thought it was crisp and sharp like a pippin. Unfortunately, her timing was off here and there. Bruno says that power is not enough, but now she has to be precise and accurate. Carrie Ann thought it was a great performance but she agrees with Bruno.
 
Carrie Ann – 6 Len – 7 Bruno – 6
 
Kristin and Mark
Kristin is going to try to bring the Hollywood glam-Marilyn Monroe thing. Well, she definitely has the hair.

Whoa. This looked pretty damn good to me. Her footwork seemed mostly solid, and except for some frozen smiling at the beginning and a slapdash ending, good work for week two. Maybe she did bring the Hollywood glam. Who knew?

Bruno has been bedazzled, though her frame got a little sloppy here and there. Carrie Ann thought it was stunning and sophisticated. Len thought it wasn’t as good as she looked. She broke hold a few times. However, overall she thought it was well done.
 
Carrie Ann - 8 Len - 7 Bruno – 7
 
David and Kym
This jive is like David – silly and yet complicated. He won't let the jive defeat him! David seems like that very sweet, cute guy you knew in middle school who couldn't sit still in class long enough to get out of seventh grade. Which apparently hasn't hurt him at all in life, so go figure.
 
I would have thought the jive would be perfect for David Arquette. And yet his feet seem leaden. His kicks and flicks? Terrible. But he's still really fun to watch, I have to admit. He's dancing his ass off, but he's just too all over the place. 
 
Carrie Ann says Carson has competition for nuttiness. She loves his enthusiasm. Len was almost speechless -- the technique wasn't there and it wasn't  a jive, but he liked that he attacked it full-on. Bruno says he didn't hold back, but he was a runaway train. 
 
Carrie Ann - 6 Len - 6 Bruno - 6
 
David says sometimes, when you're out on the stage and the music is loud, your head goes bababooey. Oh, David. You're so wacky, and yet you're more of a freeform dancer, I think.
 
Elisabetta and Val
Elisabetta has a terrible bicep tattoo. Now we know why things didn't work out with George Clooney! Just kidding. She gives Val attitude, as she thinks Val is treating her like bleep. Elisabetta isn't exactly charming me here. 
 
Uh-oh, a prop! Thankfully, the Italian dictionary is quickly tossed aside. Much better than last week. I wish they'd held formation and quickstepped until the end, but that's okay. She seems much more relaxed. Her footwork still seems a little off and she's a little low to the ground for a quickstep, but yes, this is head and shoulders above what she did the first time around. 
 
Len says it's not great, but still better than last week. Bruno says the pistons were pumping. Carrie Ann thought she came back and nailed it. 
 
Carrie Ann - 7 Len - 7 Bruno - 7
 
Rob and Cheryl
He doesn't feel great about himself, and he's insecure about his man boobs. Hey, if Kim is proud of her butt, he should embrace his man boobs.
 
This isn't great, but it's a lot better than last week. He seems more comfortable, and even though his footwork isn't so hot, at least he isn't walking around in a stupor. 
 
Bruno thinks he started to blossom. Carrie Ann thinks he's a better dancer than Kim Kardashian. Len thought it was a great improvement, too.
 
Carrie Ann - 7 Len - 7 Bruno - 7
 
Carson and Anna
He's severely uncoordinated and always has been, so he tells Anna he needs to learn every step from the ground up. She notes that even though he likes to cut up and have fun, he's committed to working on his dancing. 
 
This is an awfully slow quickstep, but who cares? It's definitely better than last week, and Carson is fun to watch. He won't win this competition, but he definitely adds an element of playfulness that's worthwhile. 
 
Carrie Ann saw improvement, but he seemed wobbly. Len says the worst dancers on the show are the most fun to watch and knows he practiced more than anyone else on the show that week, which should be rewarded. Bruno says he can see all the work he's put in and thought it was entertaining. 

Carrie Ann - 6 Len - 6 Bruno - 6
 
Ricki and Derek
Ricki is whining. Constantly. She’s too old, it hurts, waaah. How did Kirstie Alley do this? Someone call 911. She's exhausted. But Derek knows she can do this jive. Good, because then she'll stop complaining about it. 
 
Not bad. Her footwork looks pretty good, her timing seems alright and yes, she does bring the charisma. It's quite a nice jive, which is surprising given how much she complained about it. 
 
Len didn’t like it. He thought it was fun, he thought she attacked it, but there wasn’t enough jive content. Bruno says she was the first person of the night to do her kicks and flicks correctly. Carrie declares it the best jive of the night thus far.

She’s lost 12 inches in three weeks.
 
Carrie Ann - 8 Len - 7 Bruno – 8
 
Chaz and Lacey
Chaz’s knees are a mess. His knees hate Lacey and she doesn’t care. He goes to the doctor and gets something to help with the swelling. They revise the routine to make it doable for Chaz. Poor Chaz. 

Yes, it’s pretty slow and pretty basic. I hope that, like Ricki Lake, Chaz can lose some weight by doing this show. If his knees are shot at his age, he’s looking at some serious problems as he gets older.
 
Bruno thought it was like watching a little Ewok dancing. But it wasn’t fast. Carrie Ann could see him in pain, but thinks he handled it well. Len admires his grit and determination, but it was too slow for a quickstep.
 
Carrie Ann – 6 Len – 5 Bruno – 6

Wow, this is essentially a ticket home. Chaz says he'll slug it out as long as people vote for him, and I hope he does stick around, because I think he really needs this show for his health. I hate to say it, but Bruno is right about the Ewok thing. 
 
Chynna and Tony
Best moment of the week and possibly the whole show: after taking the name of fudge in vain several times, Chynna barks, “Sorry Jesus, I have to curse!” Oh, Chynna, you are so funny when you're angry!
 
She looks pretty good to me. But this felt a little blah, given how strong she was last week. Maybe she should have cursed more. Or demanded fudge, one or the other. 
 
Carrie Ann was disappointed she didn’t kill it. Len thought it was good but not great. Bruno says she’s a subtle, sexy siren, but she can’t hold back like this anymore.
 
Carrie Ann – 7 Len – 7 Bruno – 7
 
Nancy and Tristan
She finally has a partner she can trust! She’s not alone anymore! She strokes Tristan’s cheek. I'm feeling wildly uncomfortable. Nancy, it's only dancing. I think Tristan looks a little frightened, honestly. 
 
This is a lot better than last week. A lot-lot-lot better. She seems happier (having found her life, uh, dance partner) and her footwork is fairly solid. I feel for her that she's so much shorter than Tristan, though, as it makes her look like a little kid dancing with Daddy. But good job. And then we cut to a section of the audience that isn’t applauding. Wow, um, what was that about? Then, we cut to this portion of the audience AGAIN. Does someone in the control room hate Nancy Grace? 
 
Len thought it was refreshing that she did a conventional quickstep. Bruno thought she was vivacious, alive and confident, though occasionally top heavy. Carrie Ann saw improvement and thought she dealt with the height difference well.
 
Carrie Ann - 6 Len - 8 Bruno - 7
 
J.R and Karina
Karina's giving J. R. some tough choreography, but he's taking on the challenge. I have no doubt he's up to it. 
 
Damn, he's good! Best dance of the night! This guy is definitely going to the finals. He may worry that no one knows who he is, but he has such a compelling story and he's such a strong dancer, it would be a crime if he gets cut before the final three. 
 
Bruno thought it was great, but Carrie Ann is docking him a point for a lift (d'oh!) and Len is disappointed that Karina served up a lindy hop instead of a true jive. 

Carrie Ann - 7 Len - 7 Bruno - 8 

So, a mixed bag for the evening. Things are looking a little dicey for Chaz, Carson and David, but as we all know, performance scores are only half the battle.

Do you vote? If so, who'd you vote for? And do you think someone hates Nancy Grace or were they just screwing around in the control room?