Sigh. It’s elimination night on “So You Think You Can Dance,” and not only is it the first one of the season (which means we haven’t really had a chance to see much of what anybody can do) but after last night, we have to accept that someone who turned in an exceptional performance is probably going home. Oh, and there will be tears. Someone always cries, and even if they’re just tears of relief that they’re not the person going home, it’s still hard to watch. Even if you get big points in the HitFix "So You Think You Can Dance" Fantasy League But watch we do, so let’s get things started!
 
Sonya Tayeh has put together an excellent opening routine set to an M.I.A. song. I really never dislike anything Sonya does, and this dance does a nice job of letting the kids show their dark, weird sides. If they have them.  
 
 Nigel informs us that Mitchell has gotten the all clear for his elbow injury, and he will be dancing tonight! Dance for you life, Mitchell!
 
Our judges are Megan Mullally, Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy. Can I just say I liked Megan a lot as a judge? She was articulate, she actually had something to say (which I can’t always say about some of the “real” judges) and she noticed mistakes when they happened (or maybe she just picked those up from what Mary and Nigel were saying, who knows). It’s a little weird to have Karen of “Will & Grace” judging, as I keep expecting her to pull out a flask, but a very pleasant surprise nonetheless.
 
National Dance Day is July 30. Routines of varying difficulty will be put up online. You can do a flash mob, if you’re so inclined. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, and there will be Lady Gaga news and a video debut later on the show. And then we get to see the photo of Nigel in a conga line with her. Which gets absolutely no explanation. Come on, Nigel, don’t show it if you don’t have a story to go with it.
 
Our first three couples take the block. Aack! I’m not ready!
 
Marko and Melanie are up first. There is no way either one of them is going home. And they’re not. They’re safe!
 
Next it’s Missy and Wadi. They were sexy demons last night. They aren’t going home, either, I have to believe. Are they safe?
 
Well, we have to talk to Iveta and Nick first. I worry that Iveta might come across as a little bit of an ice queen because of her accent, which would be a shame given what a beautiful dancer she is (and, as we’re reminded every ten minutes by Mary, a WORLD CHAMPION). But she’s so good she can’t go home, can she? Aack!
 
Missy and Wadi are safe. And so are Iveta and Nick! Much celebrating and hugging. But still the dark cloud of eliminations to come lingers…
 
Ashley and Chris are on the block. I still think these two were a little iffy. But first we check in with Jordan and Tadd. So…the first couple in the bottom three is Jordan and Tadd. Really? Ashley and Chris are safe. Not thrilled about this, I have to say. Ashley’s arms were not hip hop in her hip hop routine, and Chris wasn’t one of the top men of the evening, either. But go figure. Although I found Jordan’s audition performance a bit on the tacky stripper side, last night she delivered the goods, as did Tadd, who really stepped beyond his B-boy background.
 
Caitlynn is next on the block, although without Mitchell (he’s on the block already). Clarice is up with Jess. I wonder if the Broadway routine was too old school to appeal to voters. I’m not entirely convinced Jess is someone I want to see doing some of the other genres of dance because he is so firmly rooted in Broadway, but I can’t fathom him going home for a routine that’s so clearly within his wheelhouse. Anyway, Clarice and Jess are in the bottom three. Caitlyn is on to next week’s show.
 
Next up, a performance of “Lose Control” by Keri Hilson. Lots of fog. Those are some earrings! For a second I thought she’d had a really unfortunate haircut and two-tone dye job (hey, it happens), but I like them. It’s a perfectly fine performance, but I can’t really concentrate as I’m worrying about who’s going to go home. So far, I don’t feel anyone who’s on the block really deserves the boot.
 
Ryan and Ricky on the block. They can’t go home! Aw, hell, this is just going to be an impossible season, really. They’re safe.  Phew.
 
Miranda and Robert are up next. Huge applause for them. Sasha and Alexander are going join them on the block. The final two dancers that aren’t safe are… Miranda and Robert. I guess that woo thing got old a little faster than anyone expected it to.
 
Time for the bottom dancers to hoof it for their lives. I can’t watch! I can. No, I can’t! Okay, I will, but I won’t like it. No one should go home!
 
Mitchell’s routine is very elegant, shows exceptional strength, good extension, wonderful emotion. I’m actually sorry we didn’t get to see him dance last night, as I think he would have been pretty awesome with Caitlynn.
 
Jordan dances like she’s auditioning for the Pussycat Dolls. Okay, that’s not entirely true. She’s much better than that. But I do hope she gives us some refinement and elegance in upcoming routines (I’d love to see her waltz) so she doesn’t become “the sexy girl.” That’s gotten dancers eliminated in the past, and, as I said, she is much better than that.
 
I love that Tadd does something that expands on his B-boy background. He shows humor, he shows rhythm, and then he’s got the B-boy stuff down. This is just a really, really strong season when the B-boy guys look this strong and have actually nailed it in other genres.
 
Clarice does a great routine – but there’s a stumble at the end. It’s not a big stumble and I wouldn’t hold it against her, but it could hurt her given how strong everyone’s been thus far. Aack!
 
Jess does a Broadway routine to “Mr. Bojangles.” I wish he’d applied his Broadway steps to a musical selection that was a little more modern, honestly. I fear he’s going to be seen as the old timey guy in the competition.
 
Miranda brings emotion and beautiful lines to this short, short piece. Excellent.
 
Robert is fun to watch – but I’m not sure if he really showed us enough of his skills. And we know he has them; we’ve seen them before. If he sticks around, I’d really like to see him work on his “dance for your life” routine. It’s not as wowza as I’d hoped.
 
Did you know Lady Gaga made her TV debut on “SYTYCD” on season four? No? Well, she remembers, because she’s going to guest judge for the show later in the season. THAT will be interesting. I hope she brings her blood-and-semen scented perfume and wears something amazing designed by Alexander McQueen (yes, it would have to be vintage given that he’s dead, but who cares). And now we get to see the video for “Edge of Glory.” Well, we had it up on HitFix already, but yay.
 
Nigel stops the elimination from happening by telling us that Lady Gaga’s sax player, Clarence, has had a stroke and that we should pray for him. Well, this evening is certainly shaping up to be sad all the way around.
 
Mitch and Robert are asked to dance again. Cat Deeley has to wrangle the dancers again and lets Nigel know he’s pretty much messing up the show. But I suspect this is just a little scripted patter to add drama. This has NEVER happened before! The world has turned upside down! It’s chaos! Wink, wink!

The guys are dismissed and the girls are called up. But no one’s eliminated. Then, the boys are brought back. I’m getting dizzy. Is no one going home? It certainly seems that way. Could we not milk every ounce of potential drama out of this? Please?
 
Nobody’s going home! Whoot! Nigel thinks America deserves to see more of these dancers, and I agree. No one’s truly messed up, everyone’s been shockingly strong (even out of their genre), and we need more than eight seconds to get a feel for personalities. Yes, two couples go home next week, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
 
Are you surprised that no one was sent home? Who are you rooting for? And which four dancers do you think will get the boot next week?