Welcome to The Morning Read.

I think I've been breakdancing in my sleep again, because my neck is, to put it politely, shpradoinkled.  If I want to turn to look at something, I have to do it like Batman in the first Tim Burton film, using my whole upper body.  This, of course, seems to be a source of enormous entertainment to both my sons, who are now parked behind my chair, where they keep trying to get me to turn around, laughing every single time I do.

And how's your morning?

I'll have reviews this afternoon for both "Whatever Works" and "Year One," but first, let's sort out what's going on around the internet this morning. 

If you read nothing else today, you have to go to Ain't It Cool and read Mr. Beaks's huge interview with Richard Kelly about "The Box."  It's a fantastic read about the realities of working in the studio system, and it suggests that Kelly is very aware of just how important this film is to the perception of him as a filmmaker.  Great stuff, and I can't wait to see the trailer next week.

Speaking of which, I'm guessing that crazy excessive holy crap trailer for Roland Emmerich's "2012" will be in front of "Year One."  All I can say after witnessing that trailer a few times in a row is "What did the White House ever do to you, Mr. Emmerich?  And why do you hate it so much?"

[more after the jump]

 

 

Honestly, it's just destructo-porn at this point.  If they don't even try to explain all of the chaos, this could turn out to be the purest thing Emmerich's ever made, the crystallization of all his ideas into one grand ridiculous two-hour barrage of every major landmark and topography in the world being annihilated.  On the plus side, I can't imagine there's any way he's topping this one.

Hey, are you an aspiring screenwriter?  Do you spend your days toiling over original ideas, hoping to craft one just right so that you can share your story with the world?  Well, get ready to drink a gallon of poison and light yourself on fire... because someone just sold their Facebook status update as a movie SERIES about a magic dog.  This is Hollywood 2009.  I've never been more afraid of my entire profession.

Now that they actually put the article content online, what excuse do guys use to pick up "Playboy"?  The average issue of "Esquire" is about as nudity-filled as the last "Playboy" I saw.  Anyway, they've got a great Judd Apatow 20 Questions up right now.

And speaking of Apatow, want to take a quick glimpse into an alternate reality where Adam Sandler played a baby, an astronaut, and a mermaid?  All of these things actually happened to George Simmons, the character Sandler's playing in "Funny People" this summer, and now, Simmons has his own official website.  There are clips from his films, posters, synopses, and more.  It's an amazingly deep joke, considering how quickly most of this stuff is ever glimpsed in the actual movie.  /Film did a nice job of putting a bunch of the one-sheets for the fake films all on one page.

Keith Gordon does not work enough as a director.  It's that simple.  The guy's mad talented, he's made some underrated classics, and he doesn't work enough.  But when he's making time to serve as a mentor at the Sundance Labs and then blogs about it, at least I know his time's being well-spent.

Really?!  Fellas, I get it.  It's your thing.  But be rational.

Ubisoft has released three more images from their upcoming "Avatar" game that ties in to James Cameron's new film, and in the new images, you can see a Viperwolf and what Jon Landau referred to as a "Hammerhead," which is that big crazy rhino-looking thing in the image next to this story.

Vern reviewed "Black Belt Jones," so all is right in the world.  Seems fitting after his recent review of "Black Dynamite."

Gotta publish a few reviews now before I head down to the Bridge for some Bayhem in IMAX.  Talk to you guys soon.

The Morning Read appears here every day, Monday through Friday.  Except when it doesn't.

Can't get enough of Motion/Captured? Don't miss a post with daily HitFix Blog Alerts. Sign up now.

Don't miss out. Add Motion/Captured to your iGoogle, My Yahoo or My MSN experience by clicking here.

Not part of the HitFix Nation yet? Take 90 seconds and sign up today.